The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883

The Vermont Cynic

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Third time’s the charm: what I have learned

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I recently had sex with a new partner. This new rendezvous bumped the number of guys I have slept with up from two.

My “number” is now three. I have had sex with three different people.

I thought about this for a bit. At first I felt pretty bad about it. Of everyone I have shared my body with, none of them have been truly that special or significant in my life.

As I thought about these three people, I came to the realization that with each of these people, I have learned something new about sex, relationships and myself.

  1. You will never be ready to have sex

I never really understood what it meant to be “ready” for sex. In my head I pictured this parting of the clouds with angelic music, suddenly looking into my partner’s eyes with a gold light ascending from the pearly gates of heaven.

In health class, I was pitched this idea that a person needed to be “ready” for sex, and that if someone had sex before they were are ready, there would be severe emotional repercussions.

This “readiness complex” sets us up for failure because nobody is ever truly ready to have sex. Sex is a whole new world that is confusing, awkward, inspiring and wonderful all at once. You can never truly be ready for it or know how you will feel afterward.

If you do feel bad afterward, or in my case, mildly disappointed, you can make yourself feel even worse and somehow blame the ordeal on yourself by interpreting the situation as having had sex when you weren’t ready.

  1. Plan B is a thing

Since I started high school I was told three things: Do well in school, be nice to people and use a condom. So when I went to have sex with lucky bachelor number two, I reached for a condom and he put it on, no questions asked. It wasn’t until after the grand finale that we realized that the condom had sprung a leak.

Needless to say, I have never seen the color drain so quickly from a man’s face.

Plan B can be bought over-the-counter or with a prescription at any pharmacy, no questions asked. Yes, it will set you back $50 without insurance, but consider that a drop in the bucket compared to your potential child’s college tuition.

  1. Sex is Sex

This is a tough one to get behind.

I used to always see sex as a beautiful act of love between two people. And yes, it can be, but it won’t always be. In the end, sex is sex. Sex won’t make him your boyfriend, sex won’t make him love you and sex won’t fix your problems. The meaning of sex is up to the people having it. And when they are both on the same page, things are great.

But if you and your partner are not on the same page, it hurts — and it hurts alot.

So, I have had sex with three people. Those people are not still in my life, and I think that is a good thing. If anything, I have learned more about myself and how I deserve to be treated in a relationship, sexual or not.

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The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883
Third time’s the charm: what I have learned