The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883

The Vermont Cynic

Metrosexual group wants to join LGBT

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BURLINGTON, VT— In the last few days, an unlikely group had expressed its outrage toward the LGBTQA association, short for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer and ally.

The group, which was formed to provide support and protection for atypical sexualities and identities, now has a myriad of locations around the United States. However, their exclusivity has seemed to anger quite a few people. “I can’t believe I have nobody to turn to in this day and age. As a metrosexual, everyone thinks I’m gay anyways, and I don’t get any of the perks they have to offer,” cried local resident Jackson Green. “I’ve heard they even have free printing and refreshments!”

Many others are starting to come out to the public and voice their opinions on the matter, including the de-facto leader of the metrosexual movement, Mason Banks. “People question my sexuality all the time, and it can get really hard to deal with. Just because I wear tight clothes, pronounce ‘Givenchy’ properly and frequent bodybuilding forums people assume that I’m gay, but I’m not. I’m only looking at pictures of other shirtless men to compare,” he added, adjusting the cuffs on his Japanese raw denim jeans. “Anyway, I think we deserve the same rights and hospitality that all the other sexualities are getting. It’s not like we’re all that different from them, either. Our fathers are disappointed in us, too!”

LGBTQA officials formally addressed Banks last night. “We can’t possibly allow any more groups in. It’s at total capacity. Could you imagine if we had to add another letter to our name? People hardly remember our title right now, and we only have a six-part acronym. Don’t be silly, silly.” Little headway has been made, but the movement for basic rights marches on in patent leather Chelsea boots.

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The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883
Metrosexual group wants to join LGBT