Sex and The Cynic: Adventures in Weekend Bar-Hopping

Walking around campus on a Friday afternoon is reminiscent of strolling the grounds of Disneyland when you were seven. A smile is seen in every direction as people discuss the numerous possibilities laid out before them. In the case of a Disneyland adventure, possibilities are synonymous with the “It’s a small world” display and the monorail. In the eyes of a college kid on the brink of a weekend, those possibilities are more defined by Nectar’s or Three Needs, School Street or Loomis, hard liquor or beer.

As I myself walked the paths of campus on Friday, brewing my own plans, I ran into my friend Jesse, and my line of attack turned into a dual effort. Through the course of our huddle we decided that the bars were on our checklist for the night, but soon a conundrum presented itself: Should meeting someone new be on the list? Our chit-chat eventually morphed into a discussion over whether a bar was the best or worst place to meet someone worth having a future with.

In saying, “worth having a future with,” I don’t mean a future lasting twenty-four hours at most, otherwise known as the one-night stand. For the sake of this article, having a future with someone means a relationship that can be categorized as semi-serious, or even serious.

There is no doubt that if one night of bliss is all that you are looking for in the night, a bar is your place. More often than not, people attend a bar with openness to some action, or even a full-out plan to sign, seal, and deliver. In that case, satisfying your thirst can be as easy as the skillful use of eye contact. With one prolonged glance, the deal is done.

However, it is this aspect of bar hopping that makes for an inhospitable environment when it comes to searching out that special someone. Chances are, if you attend a bar with the aim of meeting your next boyfriend/girlfriend, you will be far outnumbered. Your innocent intentions will be lost amongst the raging libidos, and there is no doubt that someone will prey upon you. Your search for a mate can be (and most likely will be) misread as an invitation.

A second, and rather obvious deterrent to partaking in a quest to find a soul mate in a bar is the fact that you, and your potential dates, will be smashed. While this can be seen as a good thing considering alcohol leads to inhibition, and is a great remedy for the painfully shy, the fact remains that alcohol also leads to lowered standards, vulnerability, and bad judgment. For the most part, these effects of alcohol aren’t quite as detrimental in the case of a one-night stand.

However, when it comes to launching a relationship, these qualities most likely will be not be useful. Most of us have an ideal mate that we have constructed for ourselves over the years. In our search for that person, we apply this so-called checklist to each potential suitor. But, when our search is accompanied with the high intake of alcohol, that list magically dwindles into a generic one: ok good looking, available, also drunk. Before you know it, you yourself are in the midst of a one-night stand. Come morning, you will most likely be faced with someone who fails your test of compatibility, and reads “no” to every bullet on your checklist.

Thus, it is so that a bar does in fact make for the worst place to meet your soul mate. You, and your dream, will drown in a sea of casual sex and alcohol.