The ‘Real World’ of living life off-campus

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Alexa Baker, junior:
“I was toasting a piece of bread in the oven at 7 a.m. before class, but I forgot I had put it in there and suddenly all the fire alarms in my apartment went off. I woke up all of my roommates and they were not too happy with me.”

 

Anonymous, junior:
“I mooned my housemate’s boyfriend by accident trying to eat 
Vermont cheese drunk.”

 

Jessica Wolfe, junior:

“I once had a 10 minute conversation with a homeless man who believed 2013 was the best year. All he kept saying was that we had to look at the history of the language and go back to 2013. He also said he was putting himself through his own free PhD program.”

 

Anonymous, junior:

“One night our fire alarm went off for a minute then stopped at around three in the morning. Everyone in the house went outside of our rooms with no pants on and we had no idea what to do.”

 

Anonymous, Senior:

“The bathroom light in my hallway was on, but the door was halfway open. I figured no one was in there. I barged in expecting it to be empty, but I walked in to see one of my housemates (who I also don’t know too well because she’s a sub-letter) naked on the toilet. I yelled ‘shit!’ and ran out of there as fast as I could. I realize now that I should’ve knocked but she should’ve also maybe locked the door.”

 

Nick Vidal, Junior:

“It’s late afternoon when I get home. The house is dark and quiet, as it usually is this time of day. It’s a Thursday. I’m tired, and I have work in an hour. All I want to do is plop onto the bed and burn some brain cells looking at reddit before I leave for the day.

I hit the top of the stairs when I hear something. Someone’s in my room. ‘Ben? I thought you had wor-’ I walk in to see a small, bushy tailed, and deeply distressed squirrel scurrying frantically to find an exit route from my room. ‘You gotta be fuckin kidding me dude.’

It’s clear he’s been here a while. The books I used to barricade the window having been promptly gnawed at. This is not the squirrel’s first rodeo. I look to my bed to find remnants of the brownie I bought from KKD last week meticulously spread across my bedding. And before me an open bag of peanuts from the kitchen lay strewn in front of my door, as if to bar me passage into my own room. I am allergic to peanuts.”