Every few months (or every few days, in the case of science majors), college students are faced with a trial commonly referred to (in hushed tones) as an All Nighter.

There are two types of students: those who are bogged down with work, and those who procrastinate ridiculously. Both groups eventually find themselves in a position I call “AHHH!!!”

It occurs when, around 11 p.m., you’ve just started a lab report and there’s two more pages of questions than you predicted. Or when the teacher actually wanted that essay SINGLE spaced.

Some students (particularly English majors) seem to have developed a paranormal nocturnal work ethic: they do their best work in the predawn hours. Quenching their thirst with Redbull and Rock-star, these types can knock out a 10 paged paper on T.S. Eliot between the hours of 12 a.m. and 5 a.m. and still have time for a powernap, arriving in class refreshed.

For the rest of us, All Nighters are a sad affair. The first two hours are devoted to ‘study-prep’: making a suitable playlist on iTunes and updating our Facebook status to include some variation of ‘school’ and ‘death.’

Next, a few hours are spent rubbing eyes, dozing off and typing a few sentences. In be-tween checking their e-mail every three and a half minutes, a rare few students may actually achieve some work.

4 a.m. is the most magical hour: suddenly, it’s not late anymore…it’s early. It is also around this time that you discover that Youtube is an unparalleled source of comedic splendor phrases like “They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard!” develop a deeper meaning.

If you are studying with a friend, or working on a group project, abandon hope! Much like inebriation, the effects of sleep drunkenness increase exponentially with respect to the number of people in the room. Nothing will get done from this point on.

By 5 a.m. you get the strangest sensation: you aren’t tired anymore. Your brain seems to have solidified to the crunchy consistency of doritos … but you know you couldn’t sleep if you tried. At this point you give up altogether.

Every person who has ever pulled an All-Nighter has their own wit and wisdom. Some people suggest the study:study break ratio should be around 1:8. Science Daily has discovered that the best way to remain awake and alert during your All Nighter is to reduce amount of nitric oxide that is produced by the basal forebrain.

Good luck with THAT one.