The Vermont Cynic

Trey Cries Like a Girl

Recently the band Phish blessed Vermont with their “last” concert at Coventry.

Reportedly the lead singer Trey Anastasio and other band members were seen crying on stage during their performance. I was not at the dread-locked, drug induced music orgy but was in Burlington during and following the enormous event. Out of towners flooded the streets with stories of their recent adventures and before long the reason why Trey cried became clear to me.

Trey’s tears were of joy, not sadness as many had thought. He was overjoyed to know that his music had finally brought purpose to an otherwise useless creation- the SUV. Sport Utility Vehicles have been wildly successful in recent years and have been a great boon to the American Auto-making economy.

This increase in sales is about as good for the US economy as an oil spill. It creates more jobs and is wasteful and terrible for the environment. Most consumers do not think of things like this and sales are through the roof and it’s easy to see why.

Sport utility vehicles are like a socialist revolution, they look good, feel good and even sound good, both have enormous potential and have enough room in them to fit all of your friends. Unfortunately like a revolution the SUV is never given a chance to work to its potential. There are always obstacles in the way like potential maintenance costs. Besides, who wants to get his car dirty?

Trey was overjoyed to know that his music was able to make SUV’s from all over the country get dirty and actually serve a purpose. Anyone in Burlington after the concert would have literally seen dozens of SUV’s with mud all over them.

I was impressed because I have never even seen a SUV made muddy from off road excursions, but thanks to Phish these gas guzzling ego boosters were for once necessary. It seems that since all the members of Phish moved to Vermont later in their lives they are probably for energy conservation and the protection of our earth’s resources.

Since they are earthy individuals they probably disapprove of the current war in Iraq and government initiatives that further our dependence on oil. With this said it makes a lot of sense why Trey would cry like a little child with a skinned knee.

Finally his otherwise non-political music and life was able to make some type of difference other than the reappearance of tie-dye. Until now it was easy to say that Trey’s fame had not gone to his head, he has not made any contribution to society with his fame except for never ending guitar riffs, which arguably are not a real contribution.

It would be fairly easy for him to bring controversial and important topics to light given his fame, but we can’t blame for not doing this, after all he is just an artist. Really, when has music ever been political? Oh wait it is all the time, from Elvis pelvic thrusting to Ice T’s “Cop Killer” musicians have sent shockwaves across the country and caused American culture to change.

Until now Phish has avoided controversy with their mostly meaningless lyrics. Fans are generally the butt of jokes in most places other than Vermont, and neither band nor fan is taken seriously. This is why I was incredibly impressed; a group of pseudo-hippies and college students were able to bring meaning to the otherwise useless SUV. Thank You.

But then again if it had not rained all summer long and been muddy at Coventry would a non-fan ever have been able to find meaning in their music?

Either way Sport Utility vehicles remain popular and so does Phish. Many are sad to see Phish leave the tour scene, I personally do not care what they do. On the other hand SUV’s are not leaving any time soon which is a shame because as energy problems increase world wide it seems moronic for people to keep wasting oil in such a foolish way.

What is it about these mosters of the road that attracts Americans to them. Is it the staus they display, the safety they provide for those riding in them or maybe they are just cool.

I guess I am not cool because I do not like the SUV or the specifically American qualities they represent. I would rather spend my money on finer food, wine and beer but I understand why someone might rather spend his or her loot on more gas. And by the way, everywhere in Burlington is within walking distance.

Trey Cries Like A Girl?

Matthew Silvermans article was not only poorly written, but terribly misinformed. The involvement and blame he put on Trey for Trey’s “lack of political influence” was just inappropriate and wrong. Perhaps the author overlooked the Waterwheel Foundation, a large part of the Phish enterprise. Taken from the Waterwheel Foundation’s website at “The Touring Division encompasses two main programs: fund raising for a selected nonprofit in each community Phish visits when on tour, and a Register to Vote campaign. ” A register to vote campaign. How unpolitical.

Leave a Comment
Activate Search
The University of Vermont's Independent Voice Since 1883
Trey Cries Like a Girl