UVM Dudeman Uncovered

1. Aggressive anti-homosexual rhetoric 2.Slanderous publications/pamphlets/flyers3. Thinly veiled conservative propaganda

The one element these three points have in common is their noticeable absence on the UVM campus during the ’03-’04 academic year. The reason for this absence can be attributed to the diminished role/activity played by UVM’s favorite son: UVMDudeman (of uvmdudeman.com)

Dudeman, the now infamous figurehead behind the wildly popular www.uvmdudeman.com, has been seen and heard less and less on the UVM campus in the past year. While many have sought the identity behind the once famous internet jockey, public interest regarding Dudeman activities/identity has seen an undeniably dramatic decrease. However some are still interested in the identity and pursuits of the now defunct Dudeman.

“Who? That kid? He comes in here everyday. Doesn’t buy much. Usually just shuffles through the h-core section,” said Averil Aye, owner of local porn hotspot Beef Curtains Inc. “I wouldn’t know him if I saw him, but I can smell him a mile away. Kind of a funny smell really, a little like baby oil and banana juice.”

Added Aye: “I really gotta hand it to the kid coming here everyday. I get all my hardcore smut off the internet…but not him, he’s got standards.”

While many within the hardcore pornography industry relate frequent encounters with UVM Dudeman, there has been a noticeable void of Dudeman activity on campus within the past year. The most recent sightings have found Dudeman in and around campus urinals and bathroom stalls.

“It’s really weird. He just stands there…staring. [He] makes everyone really uncomfortable. I once saw him clear out an entire bathroom and a locker room, in the same day!” said Avery Beech, UVM senior and former Dudeman enthusiast. “I used to love Dudeman, but now I can’t stand him. [He is] just too creepy for my tastes.”

Although Dudeman publicist/agent Rick Silverstein denounced the accusations in a press conference last week.

“Dudeman is not a pu**y. He’s just been lunched out for the last year, and any of you D-Bags who think he’s a pu**y can suck these nuts. Ha ha ha.”

Still many UVMers claim Dudeman has lost most if not all of his popular appeal.

“He [Dudeman] used to be ill. He used to stand up for us [rich white kids], but I haven’t seen an offensive pamphlet or article in months. Maybe he is a pu**y…maybe,” said Dudeman enthusiast George Teeth.

But acknowledging Dudeman’s “pu**y” status has done little to change Dudeman hard-liners, and for some, has only increased Dudmean demand. Among them, SGA President Joe Thibault:

“Dudeman will always occupy a place in the student body’s heart, but he’ll only occupy one place outside that – my bed!”

Because of Dudeman’s prolific writing and activity in past years, he has gained a reputation that by in large, has preceded him. This reputation has translated into widespread knowledge of all things Dudeman among the student body at UVM.

“Yeah, I know him, but to tell you the truth, I really don’t care. This is the first time I’ve thought about Dudeman for more than 22 seconds. On, look at that! I stopped thinking about him already,” said Alexander Allstain, UVM Senior.

UVMDudeman’s identity remains a mystery, and his popularity has rolled back like so many fish-taco wax skin papers. He still retains a place in the popular imagination of young conservative racists everywhere, and perhaps, one day UVM will come to recognize the influence and role played by its favorite illegitimate son…perhaps.