Fashion Police

I only have 500 words to start the revolution, so let’s get down to it.

Crocs. Perhaps more important than the campaign to rocket those who wear socks with their sandals to the moon, is the movement to illegalize crocs in America.

Progress is well underway, with over 450 Facebook groups already dedicated to spreading the horrifying truth of these sorry excuses for shoes.

Actually those 450 groups have mixed feelings. Some are actually devoted to promoting the hideous things.

When I say “some” I’m referring to less than 1%.To my utter amazement, some people actually felt the need to defend what they wore on their feet.

Now why would you ever need to do that? I clicked on the group “Crocs are misunderstood” and this is what I read:

“This is for people who love Crocs and no (sic) they are the most comfortable things in the world!! Even though people think they are ugly, we think they are cute and worth the looks, because its (sic) their loss and their feet!!!”

Wait, did I read that right? They’re “worth the looks?” Even the people who wear them admit that they’re unsightly. Another group description read: “…if you agree that Crocs, althou (sic) they may look a little bit funny, are the most amazing things to put on your feet possible, go ahead [and] join the group.”

Come on people, if you’re going to try and spread Croc pride, at least pretend you think you look good wearing them. There is nothing worse than a fashion popularized by comfort alone.

Let it be known that some-where the inventor of Crocs is planting tomatoes, crying, because his shoes were unleashed into a world that was not ready … a world that did not understand.

These shoes were meant to be worn in the garden, in the privacy of your backyard, where people aren’t forced to wonder what you were thinking when you got dressed.

I asked my suitemate, who owns a rainbow army of Crocs, why she liked them so much. Her answer was, among other things, short. “Well, they’re really comfortable.”

When I asked if she could give me another reason, she stumbled over her words for a minute and said “You know, some people just don’t care what they wear on their feet.”

I rest my case. I urge anyone who actually cares what clothes they buy to vote “yes” on Croc abolishment whenever the issue appears on the ballot.

I fear this may take a while, since support for Crocs is still strong, even in the dead of winter. Last week alone I saw three people wearing them out in the snow.

I just know they’re not that comfortable.