April Fools: Cynic A&E editor arrested for conspiracy to commit murd

Robert M. Downey, the Cynic’s Arts and Entertainment editor sat in a Chittenden County courtroom yesterday and listened to the State Attorney read out 11 charges against him including conspiracy to commit murder, conspiracy to commit mail fraud, mail fraud, one felony charge for conspiracy to commit a felony with federal property, coersion and trying to bribe a police officer.The charges have come from a recent, secret joint partnership of UVM Police and the Water Tower who conducted their own, independent investigation, spurred on by rumors that Downey had plans to commit a murder and then report on it. “I just got so sick of this art and music shit,” he said, “I wanted to write about something real, I wanted to cover a murder!”From Downey’s brief statements it was impossible to tell if he believed that he would also get away with said murder, although he had been rumored to remark, “if the police can’t catch the killer because the killer is me, then the story practically writes itself!”The trial date is set for February 29, 2008 and there the prosecution will attempt to prove that Downey, beyond a shadow of a doubt, planned to murder and then write about the murder of Burlington Tax Attorney, community leader and all around funny man, Ira “Darryl” Allen.When police raided his home Wednesday they reportedly found about eight forty-eights, ten mack-tens, eleven mack elevens, and “the [shit] never end[ed]” said county detective Burt Bacharach who took over the investigation once it became “apparent that Downey was planning some kind of Leopold and Lobe stunt.””Look,” said Downey on the steps outside the Chittenden County courthouse, where we exchanged a few words, “all the time, writers have a hand in creating their material. These days, governors of large, powerful mid-Atlantic states will have affairs with prostitutes just to write a book about it. Truman Capote did it and so did Dave Chappelle.””You can’t sit around and wait for the news to come to you,” he said. “Besides,” he added with a wry smile. “It was a slow week, in art … this is entertainment.”