Bow to your pagan overlords

The increase in wireless communication and Internet services seems to have given more anonymity to individuals. I am not Jake Meany – I am [email protected], among other aliases. This net increase in names led me to stumble over a new dawn in the age of religious movements. The media would have us believe that the time of Christian Fundamentalism has come. American society is taken with the idea that just because a group has controlled the American vote since the 1990s, controls all 3 branches of the federal government, and has effectively been able to make their religious agenda enacted in legislation, this group has “won” the religious contest for the heart of America. My answer to those people is that you need to put your ear to the ground to hear the approach of the change train. A new religious wave has formed in America (and just in time, in my opinion). This wave comes, like the Christian Right, as a direct response to the perceived problems in America. The Christian Right developed as a reaction to modernism, social experimentation, and the attack on “traditional” family values that was expressed by liberals during the last decade. But there is a new religious movement that is a reaction to the discriminatory rhetoric and hierarchical structure that the Christian Right embraces. This new religion is based on animism, a belief system that began with ancient civilization. Animism is based on the idea that every object and living being contains a spirit inside it unique to that particular subject. While Christian doctrine explains that every object is a part of God’s spirit, neo-paganism gives each spirit its own personal autonomy. The very paper that you are looking at is has its own unique spiritual force. How does one tell if someone is a neo-pagan? Well the easiest way to spot one is to tell if they begin to name their household objects. Does your friend name their car, genitals, boat, animal companion, or bong? Your friend is trying to become personal with each unique spirit within each of theses objects, an attitude you should respect and welcome. Another way to find out if you friend or family member is a neo-pagan is if they engage in any rituals to gain favor with these spirits. If you catch a loved one talking to a household appliance, trying to coax it to operate properly, don’t be alarmed, they are only performing a ritual that has occurred for thousands of years. Some “skeptics” might see this new religious trend with trepidation, with fears of persecution and religious intolerance. I for one welcome our new pagan overlords. The majesty of neo-paganism is that it abhors all forms of violence against any entity. If the neo-pagans are able to wrest control of the government from Christianity, the current movement of environmental destruction that continues unabated, economic policies that cement rigid class structures, and a foreign policy that causes the misery for millions across the world can be reversed. Our enlightened leaders would give inherent value to each object that was not contingent on race, species, or gender. While as a white, middle class, male living in the United States this would devalue my status greatly; I would gladly toil in equality in order to receive the divine teaching of these blessed individuals.