Dude, This Guy’s A Chump!

After having people express their indignation at my admittedly callous last two newspaper articles, I have found something to get excited about! Some a**hole named Sean Bliss has started a website entitled, “UVM’s number one hippie hater,” filled with all sorts of hate and bad spelling. Me and some of my friends, or as Sean calls them, “dreadlock infested f**k’s,” were just chillin,’ when we came across this website. Apparently, Sean hates all of us “longhairs” so much, that he’s devoted a good portion of his time to writing things like, “I sit on the top of the green wishing I had a sniper riffle to pick each and every dirty son of a bitch hippie off.” So, as he listed his email ([email protected]), we were able to find out this kid’s number on campus, and then, even his cell phone number (it was on his answering machine)! From there, we started calling him. It was great! He started threatening us and talking all sorts of trash about how he was going to “get us,” or something. I left a message on his answering machine, and some other “tree hugging bitches” called his cell phone. One of my female friends called, pretending to have met him downtown last week. He knew it was phony because, “I never go downtown”: C’mon, Sean, not even to the frat houses? I guess masturbating and writing drivel take up most of your time. I understand. Even better, as I went to his website today to get some fun tidbits of “hippie hate,” I found that he had written his page on us this week. Yay! Imagine, little old me, being written about by the great hippie hater. Wow. I’ve really made it. He says he was surprised that we could get his number, because, after all, we are all “pussy ass hippies,” but “there clever, these hippies.” True. And we know when to use their, they’re or there in a sentence. Sean has not figured that out yet, it seems. All throughout his site, which includes fun little journal entries regarding his having seen hippies around UVM campus (surprise, surprise), Sean seems to have risen to such a height of wisdom and excellence, that he no longer needs to live by common grammatical rules anymore. He has completely sworn off commas (wise move), and likes to spell things in creative ways, like “I mean common,” or capitalizing words in the middle of a sentence instead of right at the beginning like all of us conformists. A true visionary. He has since taken off his email from the site (a little too late, I think), but he did welcome any attention I wanted to give him. “Your helping me out by spreading the word.” Yeah, and what word is that? Moron. You cannot get most people on your side if you don’t present a good argument, Sean. I say most because you and your friends (the “shock and awe all-stars,” as he calls them) are probably swayed by shiny things and bright colors. But not most of us, dude; you aren’t the norm. This kid spends a lot of time looking at “hippies” with absolute disdain, because they are always “sitting around with acoustic guitars singing about peace and love.” Good call, Dude, let’s hate people for believing in something. All Sean seems to believe in is disliking other people for not shopping at J. Crew and listening to Godsmack. What a tool. I have written decidedly rude things in the newspaper in the past. But I’ve never gotten this ridiculous. Firstly, I would like to think that at least some of the stuff I write is funny. Sean, you should not quit your day job (you know, washing dishes). The only person who could find this crap in any way amusing would be the crack-addicted, or the pompous, lonely, frustrated little man who wrote it. Secondly, I think there’s a pretty serious line between saying you don’t like something (like I don’t like Sean’s insistence on using homophobic terms I will not repeat in this article) and getting violent about it. When this kid starts writing about shooting people with a sniper rifle on the library green, the joke is pretty much over. I could start a web page where I threaten to kill people who look like you, Sean, but it just wouldn’t be cool. I’d rather try my best to make you look like a complete a**hole. And what easier way to do that than to talk more about his site. He claims to be 100% pro-war. At least he’s consistent. Ignorance, and then a swift kick of more ignorance. I think this kid has serious problems. All he talks about is violence, and how much he hates those who make a point of not being complete capitalist pigs. Sean, are you on any medication? Have you been to a therapist? Do you at least have a punching bag? Seriously, you need to get some aggression out, and I do not think writing is really the best medium for you to get into. Neither is college, I would imagine. We’re all supposed to be here to learn more about the world around us, and that’s impossible when your ideas are so ignorant, shortsighted and closed-off. Sounds like the military is the place for you, Sean; go lift weights and talk about how much you hate gay people. By the way, if anyone wants to check out Sean’s little attempt to mask his soul, that of a little boy who wasn’t picked for dodgeball because he always cries, check out http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/hippiehater/.