Get Off That Elliptical, He’s Mine

There have always been a lot of fit, sweaty bods at Patrick Gym’s Fitness Center, but this semester, there have been more ladies than ever before flocking to the ellipticals. Since when has working out been such a hot trend? It seems that many UVM women indulged in a bit too much pecan pie and dark chocolate over the Holidays and now feel that they have to make up for the gained pounds by crowding us Patrick Gym Regulars. Even when I show up dreary-eyed and quite the opposite of “bushy-tailed” at 7 a.m. on a Monday morning, just about every elliptical machine is spoken for. The mere fact that there is a sign-up board for the ever-trendy elliptical is testament to the grave reality that overwhelming masses have flooded our sanctuary of fit-ness.As the semester progresses, the wimps who wannabe hardcore have been separated like black sheep from the die-hard Patrick Gym purists, but throngs still haunt me every morning. A word of wisdom to you ho’s who just go to the gym to see if your hook-up from the night before was really that hot: he wasn’t.