In Which I Make Comments That Are Going To Get Me In Trouble

Having put in the plug for “The Vagina Monologues,” (see left) like any responsible editor, I feel compelled now to comment on this play myself. I have seen it. I was dragged to it two years ago, and let me tell you: It’s awful. As a woman, I am personally offended by it. The monologues range from cutesy ramblings as to what the slang term for vagina is in different regions and what one’s vagina would say it if could speak; to orations on orgasms (sound effects provided). The whole point is that you’re supposed to feel that if screaming the word “cunt” or listening to women pretend to have orgasms makes you feel uncomfortable, there is something wrong with you: You are not open-minded enough. I’m hip, I’m cool, but sometimes I think certain noises should be left in the bedroom. People have sex in private for a reason.Of course, there is the requisite monologue on the serious topic of sexual abuse. I’ve got no problem there, except my own selfish wish not to be privy to the bad things in the world in any way, shape, or form. But okay, I respect getting the word out on topics such as these.I know that a lot of people think “The Vagina Monologues” is really cool and all; and really important and stuff; but I just need to get in my two cents. Am I really the only person who feels this way? I think I may be the only female who feels this way.The monologues would lead the unsuspecting male to think that women ruminate on their vaginas 92.7% of the time, and the unsuspecting female to think that she should be ruminating on her vagina 90.7% more than she currently does.Women were actually hugging at the end of this play. It was like dodging bullets trying to get out of that room without being confronted by a middle aged overweight women, weeping with arms outstretched.I’m all for feminism, and I’m glad the women’s movement has gone so far that a bunch of girls can practice their best orgasms in a crowded auditorium, but to make a person pay to see it? Come now. Actually, I take that back. Supporting organizations like Women Helping Battered Women is the only good reason to see this play. But I’ll make my donation in the form of a check, not a ticket.I have a vagina, and if it could speak, it would say, “Let’s leave at intermission.”