Meatstick

To the Editor: Bailey Howe feels the penis. PENIS. Everywhere in the library where I work, the word PENIS is scrawled on any surface it can take hold. It’s funny how widespread this five-letter word is. I think that it’s lost all meaning. I’m not even sure what PENIS means anymore because it’s been overused so much. Here I am sitting at an old desk on the 3rd floor, trying to read some actual literature. But PENIS!!! It is scratched into the wooden surface like a testament to time. I wonder what happened to the student who took it upon his or herself to expand my mind with this exquisite statement. I think it would be hilarious if it turned out that some dude wrote it and then later became president. Seeing the word PENIS brings a plethora of ideas to the human mind. Sexual, political, bathroom humor… Someday, maybe someone will come into the UVM library dreading the task of shelving books and see the word that I myself have scratched into the history books. My PENIS is here for all to see, but only for the few weird freaks of nature to read and comprehend. I write PENIS not for the cheap thrill of defacing public property but to add my statement to the archives: my own private novel. Thank you, Bailey Howe, for bringing my PENIS to the forefront.Daniel TomainoClass of 2005