Pro-Capitalist Marchers Converge on UVM; Thousands March To A Greedy Tune: Also, Attached Picture Is Unrelated To Article

Thousands of enraged and embittered right-wingers gathered their money-driven forces behind the Kalkin School of Business this past friday, preparing for the coming march. Police estimated 3,500 students were present while protest organizers gave $15,700,000 as the net worth figure for the moneyed-marchers. The general vibe of the gathered throng of Republicans and neo-fascists was enough to wilt the budding flowers, as they raised their hands in salute to their visions of the global-takeover of capitalistic idealism and the end to the complaints of the poor forever. If their logic and theories were inconclusive and unclear, they were quick to make up for these shortcoming with the firing of their large rifles and the revving of the V12’s that power their “sport-utility-vehicles”. Several utility vehicles were eventually towed out of the “especially deep grass” in the quad where they had gathered and become stuck. The greed inspired fervor was soon too much to be contained by simple business buildings. The mob swarmed forward, and began to march around the university green. Everywhere the marchers marched, they stripped everything of any monetary value: they smelted the lamp posts for iron, they cut down half the trees in the green for burning, most of the bystanders were immediately enslaved and made to dig up and sell all the remaining plants. Many carried laptops with scrolling protest signs. One read, “Bush is Jesus Christ”, another: “Get the Oil Jesus Christ, Get the Oil for God”. Others were blasting the National Anthem from their cell phones in the form of really loud ring tones. The capitalist mob was brought to an abrupt halt when, at the intersection of main and college, two policemen were waiting for the light to change. The march stopped dead in its Prada shoe tracks. They quietly dispersed and met back at the SGA office, otherwise known as the club club, to pass resolutions. They knew they would one day rise to power in the greatest government in the world and then they would quash those dirty hippies. begin spacing out . . . . now