Three steps to becoming a nerd

Webster’s Dictionary of the English language tells us that “nerd” (noun) means “an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.” Some say that the idea (and connotation) of “nerd” originated with a creature in Dr. Seuss’ 1950 children’s book If I Ran the Zoo. The interesting point to be made about this connection is that Seuss spelled the word “knurd.” In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, that’s “drunk” spelled backwards. Anywho, “nerd” has come to mean a guy with high water pants, taped glasses and a pocket protector, but that’s just in an exaggerated sense. Truly, there are more nerds out there in this world (and, yes, at UVM) who disguise themselves as fun-loving college kids like us. But do we ever see these undercover nerds downtown on Friday nights? The answer is “no.” They are in a better place, doing better things. And by that I mean in the depths of Bailey-Howe Library doing homework. While they may not be getting “jiggy” with it at parties on the weekend, they are passing all of their 18 credits – and with flying colors. So maybe there is something to be learned here. If your grades aren’t shaping up the way you want them to, follow these three easy steps to a 4.0:1. Check out the “B-H3.” In case you can’t figure that out, it’s the Bailey-Howe third floor (“the B-H3” in nerd terms). Maybe it is news to you that Bailey-Howe has a third floor, so I’ll describe it for you: it’s somewhat cave-like and contagiously intelligent. Take a walk around, get comfy, and let the nerd germs crawl all over your body. They will make you smart.2. Crack open the books.Yes, I know it’s painful, but you’ve gotta do your reading. Just be careful not to get dust in your eyes when you take your books off the bookshelf. If you start now, you may be able to catch up on your reading by the first day of classes in the Fall. 3. Dress the part.Most true nerds don’t even dress like it, but in order to fully harness the brainpower, you will need to go all-out. While dressing like a nerd isn’t even cool on Halloween, doing so will surely get you “A”s on your final exams.