Vermont Cynic Word Jumble Ruined My Life

Dear Word Jumbler,Weeks ago, on a Tuesday like any other, I decided to pick up an issue of the Cynic to kill time between classes. Oh look, a Word Jumble! I love these things. At the time I did not anticipate I would be able to kill an entire hour and a half merely on one of these. Let’s see… flagrant … heinous … oh yes, novel. Just one word left. S-T-E… what the hell, three I’s!?! At once I found something amiss about the consonant to vowel ratio and it vexed me in a means I cannot describe. Nevertheless, I systematically arranged the letters in combinations that resemble possible words. There was a P, H, S, T, E, I, I, and for some reason one more I. Well, it could be hepatitis if you added a T and change an I to an A. Unfortunately, this was the best solution I could come up with. I stared at the paper so hard I acquired a semi-permanent twitch. About halfway through my break, I was joined by two classmates who had a good deal of homework they had to finish in the next two hours. I showed the jumble to them and they looked at it with an air of bewilderment, and tried their best to come up with anything that resembled an answer. “Well, hepatitis works if you added a T and change an I to an A” one of them said. “Been there,” I retorted, and there we sat racking our brains to solve a riddle with no answer. I was late to my class and I didn’t follow up on it, but I’m pretty sure both friends failed their assignments. I arrived back in my apartment later that night, and out of utter frustration, asked my roommate to take a crack at it. He sat there perplexed with the paper in his lap for nearly half an hour – I sense it drove him completely and utterly insane. Days later, the word Jumble sat in the back of my mind, as I’m sure it did with each person who saw it on that unspeakable Tuesday. My roommates and I were at a friend’s house, enhancing our minds, when someone happened to mention the cursed Jumble. We decided to use the internet as a resource, and proceeded to search “de-jumblers.” Believe it or not, such things actually exist on the internet. Tragically, all the de-jumblers we could find fell short. We spent almost two hours surfing the web, searching different combinations of words with three I’s, hoping that we would find results for at least one. After our 70th something search, my friend’s computer exploded. Hard-drive shrapnel came about an inch away from my roommate’s right eye. He now has permanent scarring on his forehead – damn you Vermont Cynic Word Jumble!Finally, the next Tuesday arrived: The day of salvation when I would be able to see the answer key… but what is this?!? There is no answer key to be found, only an entire page and a half of Sudoku. An unimaginable fury built up inside of me, and my semi-permanent twitch grew out of control. I then lit a stack of Vermont Cynics on fire, and I think I blacked out. Now it is a few weeks after the bon-fire incident, and I have calmed down slightly. I have several demands of the Jumble writer: first and foremost I demand he or she posts the answers to all jumbles, as well as an up to date Jumble answer key for all past Jumbles. Second, I demand a written apology to accompany the fun and games page in next week’s Vermont Cynic. Third, I would like him/her to solve this three word Jumble: OG OT LHEL Sincerely, Josh Faber-Hammond