On the UVM Bookstore:

Who the hell wrote this textbook? Einstein? It better have been Einstein, ‘cause you’re charging me $200 for a stack of paper glued together. I could do that. I got glue at home.

Seriously though, the University should do a better job of bargaining with textbook companies for lower prices.

Or students should. Also, why are there only three or four big textbook companies? Why don’t teachers assign textbooks made by smaller companies? The textbook business is a racket, pure and simple.

They come up with new editions every couple of years without actually adding very much to the new textbooks at all. They do it only to make the old textbooks outdated. Professors should do a better job of saving students money by not assigning un- needed textbooks or by looking for cheaper textbooks to assign.

On Noise Violations:

You’re charging me $300 for what? I swear I didn’t even make any noise. It was them. All them.

These people showed up to my house. It was a mob. I don’t even know any of them.

”Yo waddup up Alex. You tell those cops what’s up.”

I’ve never seen those guys before in my life. I swear to God, occifer. Officer. Sir, shit!, ma’am. I don’t even drink. That keg wasn’t even mine. Some folks just showed up with a keg. Well, I don’t know. Some people bring a keg… you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, do you?

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On Being Late to Class:

YO! I made it! Hell yeah. Who saved me a seat? What’s up man. Did I miss anything? Pass me that attendance sheet.

On Chipotle:

Chipotle is a fine restaurant. A fine one. Maybe don’t go there on a first date. You get your money’s worth. It’s a fine place. I dine there two or three times a week.

There needs to be a Chipotle on Church Street. Who the hell goes to Boloco? I went there once. Hated it. Not good. There should be a Chipotle on campus.

There should be a Chipotle every 100 yards across the whole of America.

On Homework:

Hey, what are you up to tonight? Studying? Oh yeah… about that…

Seriously though, one professor told me that for every three credit class you take, you should be putting in about 18 hours of work a week for that class. What?! Huh? 18 hours per class? If you’re taking five classes that comes out to 90 hours of studying per week.

There are 168 hours in a week. Who the hell is spending over half their time, their whole time, not just their waking hours, doing work for class?

I think most teachers have a more reasonable understanding that students should spend about an hour or two preparing for each class. That comes out to about six hours a week for each class, 30 hours total if you’re taking five courses. That seems more reasonable.

On Donald Trump:

Who?

On Bars:

Why do we pack ourselves into bars? Why do we subject ourselves to the indignity of being made to stand in line to get into a place that we will hate and want to leave as soon as we get through the doors?

Why do we pay $5 to $10 for a drink? Why do some people pay as much as $3 for the chilled piss water that is Bud Light? We should boycott the bars for one weekend and see if they don’t lower their prices.