Day in the life of a Chipotle employee

The life of a Chipotle employee is a complicated one.

On Job Duties:

Not only do you have to be a food industry worker, but an esteemed brand manager, avid stock-market follower and adamant solver of food-borne illnesses.

Customers ask you uncomfortable questions about Chipotle’s reputation, if business is down and what initiatives are being taken against E. Coli.

First of all, Brian, I have literally no clue. Second of all, you’re still here eating your chicken burrito, so does it really matter?

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 On Size Matters:

For some reason, lots of guys want to claim they’re making you roll “probably the biggest

burrito you’ve ever had to roll.” Is this a weird form of overcompensation?

On Courtesy:

Every third customer is on their phone, and they don’t say, “hold on one second, Jim, I’m ordering at Chipotle.”

Instead, they hold up the line that is literally out the door by taking five minutes to even look at you once it’s their turn, and another 10 to try to poorly sign-language every item they want to you, in a way deaf people would not endorse.

On Rice Colors:

Sometimes, when you ask if they want white or brown rice, they’ll actually ask you which one is the white rice. This is a real conversation I had to have, several times a month.

I think about 13 percent of Chipotle customers are color-blind in a way science has never had to previously consider.

On Other Things People Want:

· Fried rice, aka brown rice. By the way, what ethnicity of food do you think burritos fall under?

· “Some of this,” as they reach their hand over the sneeze-guard, actually touching the food. I don’t even know how that’s physically possible, but now we have to throw it out be- cause you probably have pneumonia or lice or something.

· “The regular meat.” What exactly constitutes as ‘regular’…?

· Cookies. And I can’t even make fun of this guy because he was 20-something and really, really, really, really hopeful that I would say we had them. To his dismay, we do not sell cookies.

· A recycling bin. When you don’t have one, they say they “don’t know if they like that… hmm” and that they “might have to stop eating here…” (and that would just be so horrible).

On Guacamole:

You’re required to ask if it’s okay that guac costs extra, which means customers are required to make passive aggressive jokes about it, like you’re the one who made the price, “It’s not ok that it’s extra, but I guess I’ll still have it, haha!”

A real gem is that one time, someone just responded with, “I’m rich.” Wow. You have a whole $2.07 after tax to spend on guacamole. Hello, Bill Gates.

And even though some lady is teaching her kid to walk by putting his bare feet on top of every table (Every. Single. Table.), and even though someone just came back with a half-eaten burrito asking you to re-wrap it, you still have to say, “Welcome to Chipotle!” cheerily when people walk in.

And the cashier continues with, “The exit’s right behind you,” every time.