Middlebury is very far away from here. The drive is short on Rt.7, but I felt as if on safari whilst visiting their pastured campus this last weekend. I drew from my brief stay several observations. For one, Ansel Adams would take pictures of their scenery, and the sweeping views are taken out of impressionist’s paintings. No one captures East Campus in photographs.

For another, I didn’t see one skateboarder. And any ‘green’ on this campus is strapped down by dozens of paths, many of which, were there to have been foresight mixed into the campus vision, would never have been lain. Our distinguished president has thus hit the nail on the head with his campus beautification projects. Their landscaping is not prettier, it’s simply better imagined and realized.

On Thursday the lawn in front of Waterman hissed at me fiercely; landscapers were pumping some craziness into our air. I don’t know what they were piping through our lawn but it was making too much noise for grass. And not to make anyone jealous, but right now their crabapples are exploding caps of red, and they’re quiet. Luckily we covered over our stumps with grass expediently, and we can see clear through really well.

Their rooms don’t make you want to kill yourself, either, and their food is wholesome. But I did notice that their waffle iron was a total piece of junk. And I saw some mean people in their lunchroom, reminding me of my high school and this nasty kid. You should have seen the look on these kids’ faces when my friend broke the waffle iron. They must have really good waffle batter down there or something.

Also, dining hall walls were occupied with Van Gogh reprints; I didn’t see many bug zappers. They hardly ever check id (unlimited meal plans for all) let alone guard the door, and they’d probably let one bring a shopping cart in there if one were to be inclined to do so. I used to sneak bananas out of Harris-Millis thinking I’d gotten back at UVM for all the overpriced waste.

I noticed a lot of high-end outdoor apparel, and they wear flip-flops still as well. We’ll see who freezes longest. Additionally, their school is smaller so my crowd attracted looks during our visit. I think they could tell we were from up the road.

“Way fewer fans in the windows,” my friend remarked. Way. Also, it’s hard to tell who drinks harder; they’re pretty serious about their Beirut. They have the space and the freedom to congregate and socialize in each other’s rooms and the security doesn’t pack heat.

Kids evidently write for their school paper. So that’s nice. And basically it’s like a safari because everyone there is in that world, much like we are here in our own climate. We are not different, but our surroundings are. Their world may have more money, but we have more parking enforcement officers.