This article is dedicated to my two parents, Robin Williams and God.
Perhaps that sentence would have made more sense with an Oxford comma. It would have clarified that I am not the lovechild of an omnipotent being and the voice of the Genie from Disney’s “Aladdin.”
When I started writing for the Cynic, I was immediately perplexed by the specific rules of AP Style formatting — the most egregious issue being the prohibition of the Oxford comma.
If I were to write an article including a clause explaining my favorite things, it may look like this: “I love to cook, my family and my pets.” Without the necessary punctuation, one may question if I’m a cannibal.
While this example might qualify for the splendid “necessary for clarity” exception in favor of the comma, I still find this regulation rather sinister.
Unfortunately, my qualms about AP formatting do not end there. With the banning of parentheses, one must rely solely on dashes to clarify clauses.
My frequent use of this cursed punctuation in my writing has created a habit that has carried over into my schoolwork. To my chagrin, all of my essays now appear to be written by ChatGPT.
An exclamation point feels warranted to describe my frustration. Alas, those aren’t allowed either.
Additionally, rhetorical questions are strictly prohibited. My theory is that the editing board wants to discourage the practice of thinking among UVM students.
The terminology the Cynic uses are silly. The title of an article is called the “HED,” which I believe sounds like something an illiterate Tinder guy would message someone for. The paragraphs are called “grafs.” To me, this sounds like some sort of strange millennial slang.
If I attempt to make a cohesive statement longer than 45 words, the clauses must be separated into new “grafs” — insert exclamation point of frustration here.
Most companies and universities stick to MLA, Chicago, APA or individually designed styles. It is beyond me why any journalistic source would choose — and decide to retain — this punctuation-hating format.
