You Are Not in Boston Anymore-Shut Up!

Joke: A Phillies fan, Cubs fan, and Red Sox fan are walking in the woods when they come upon the naked dead body of a young woman, and out of respect, the Phillies fan takes off his cap, and places it on the victims left breast, the Cub fan does the same on the right breast, and the Sox fan on her vagina. They call a cop to the scene and the cop examines the body. He lifts the Phillies’ cap, writes notes and then replaces it, lifts the Cub’s hat, jots down some notes and replaces it, then he lifts the Sox hat replaces it lifts it again puts it back and this goes on until the Phillies fan says: why are you doing that, are you perverted or something. the cop answers: no i’m just used to seeing an asshole under the Red Sox cap.

Everyone likes the occasional fun-loving riot, especially when its in support of your favorite sports team who has finally beat all odds and made the big win. Clarification is necessary because in reality such riots are only admirable when they take place in the hometown of the sports team. Rioting anywhere outside of the team’s city limits is imbecilic. It makes wearing a klan hood to the million man march look like a bright idea. But then Red Sox fans are not known for bright ideas. Rather they are known for complaining and chattering on endlessly about some stupid curse or how the Yankees are good only because of their bankroll. Either way most reasonable people would agree that talking about any subject for too long becomes tired. Red sox fans are tired! Do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself. Granted the World Series is important to people, especially Red Sox fans, but as soon as sycophantic behavior disturbs our academic environment and hurts UVM’s reputation then it is time to stop. Three examples come to mind when I think about how the Red Sox fans are hurting UVM. Firstly, the riot on Red Stone campus, in all its utter stupidity, makes UVM look like a group of drunken hooligans who are easily corrupted and dumbed by the group mentality. The riot only enforces negative feelings towards our university with Burlington, VT, and the country. Currently the school is making great efforts to build our reputation but unfortunately intoxicated Red Sox fans can not see past their “peckers” and are willing to destroy these important efforts and the campus itself. Shame on anyone who participated. Secondly, I have heard that regularly scheduled assignments are being postponed in the face of the upcoming series. This goes against everything that intellectual curiosity and academia fosters. People might say moving tests and papers back is a good idea, this is utterly absurd. Our pursuit of knowledge should never be hindered in favor of a game in which people hit balls with sticks. Fire these professors, their perspectives are whack! Thirdly, I find my own pursuit of knowledge hindered by Red Sox games. Plans have been dismissed and group projects left unattended because of baseball. For those of us who are not “fans” we are left twiddling pencils in a deserted library, unable to fulfill important obligations because of temporal priorities. Many people might want to kill me after this article, but please do not miss my point. I truly believe in the saying “each to his/her own” but only when this does not hinder mine or others. Red Sox fans are doing this daily when they push their fanship in my face constantly. Right now Burlington and UVM are trying to get on better terms by promoting common beliefs and values. I do not value Red Sox riots on Red Stone and nor does Burlington. People need to start thinking and stop messing with UVM’s and my future.