Rock out with your lockout

In my junior year of high school I made the long move from a town outside of Boston to the heart of Los Angeles. For two years, I risked getting my ass kicked on a regular basis by Lakers’ fans when proudly vocalizing my Celtic pride.

With the NBA lockout at a stalemate and the players’ union disbanding, I am certainly lacking in the spirit that had once pulsed through me.

The NBA lockout is an absolute shit show. Attempts at compromises have only ended in fiery outbursts. After months of stalemates, owners finally came out with a 50-50 split of basketball revenue that is more appealing to the players. Even with this enhanced proposal, players want more concessions from the owners.

Now that basketball players have a delayed start to their season, their boredom is taking their talents elsewhere. Oklahoma City Thunder forward Kevin Durant found his outlet following a rant on Twitter.

A quick communication facilitated by tweets had Durant driving to an Oklahoma State junior’s house for a friendly game of flag football.

Lakers’ forward Ron Artest has been using the time of the lockout to focus fully on his eccentric antics. Artest’s recent petition with the Los Angeles Superior Court to change his name to Metta World Peace has finally been approved — after he handled his unpaid traffic ticket situation, of course.

Let’s not forget that this is the same basketball player that was once given the longest suspension in NBA history for his participation in a brawl with fans against Detroit in 2004.

The only floor Artest has exercised on has been a dance floor. He brutally mutilated the cha-cha-cha on his short-lived stint with “Dancing With the Stars.”

A few players filled the void by joining Pro-am summer leagues, exhibition games and going overseas. New Jersey Nets guard Deron Williams is playing with the Turkish basketball team Besiktas until the lockout ends. Many players have shown interest in playing abroad — including Kobe Bryant heading to Italy— but few have actually joined foreign teams so far.

No one took their boredom further than New Jersey Nets Kris Humphries. In the course of the NBA lockout the man managed to marry Kim Kardashian in a gaudy celebration only to divorce 72 days later.

Big surprise, eh? Maybe if he had been practicing his three-point shot, he wouldn’t have been distracted by the Kardashian Empire and their lures of reality television and vacations in Bora Bora.

Long story short, things start getting weird when professional basketball players begin moonlighting as regular people. It seems that each side has lost sight of the actual people whose very livelihood gets affected by this mess: the custodians, the vendors, the ticket sellers, the parking attendants and the security guards.

While basketball players can get goofy in their boredom, others don’t have millions to shell around. So players and owners do us all a favor; find a compromise and strike a deal. I’m ready to watch my boys back on the court, as tradition would have it.