Sports in short

Quote of the week: “How much are your teeth worth?” — Roger McDowell, Atlanta Braves pitching coach

While threatening a fan after he asked McDowell to tone down his sexual gestures.

Boss of the week: Chris Paul

Chris Paul reminded everyone that he is the true best point guard in the league this past week, after managing to keep the first round series between the Lakers and Hornets surprisingly close. Without sidekick David West, Paul is doing it all: scoring, assisting and driving a New Orleans offense that would be otherwise impotent.

Unfortunately, Kobe and the Lakers eliminated the Hornets in six. Still, Chris Paul must be recognized for providing the most electrifying performance in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

Goat of the week: Albert Haynesworth

After allegedly sticking his credit card down the bra of a hotel waitress, Washington Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth is back in court. He plans to “vigorously fight” his sexual abuse charge, offering the following defense: “I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a white girlfriend…She was trying to get with me.”

If his previous on and off-the-field antics were not enough, this latest incident allows Fat Albert to enter the discussion regarding the most uncharismatic figures in sports.

UVM women’s fencing club wins National Championship

The University of Vermont Women’s Fencing Club secured the National Championship title in the United States Association of Collegiate Fencing Clubs National Championship competition held on April 9 and 10 at the University of Chicago.

The three-person team of Megan Lind, Ashleigh Sewell and Sylvia Sword competed against 30 other teams from universities across the country. After seeding eighth after the first round, the UVM women prevailed over Texas, Pittsburgh, Indiana, East Carolina and Rutgers to earn the title of National Champions. Megan Lind also took home the third place trophy in the individual competition.

The UVM team also fielded Men’s Epee, Foil and Saber squads, finishing 30th, 23rd and 32nd, respectively, out of 35 teams.

Ouellette receives AE Performer of the Week honors

For the second time this year, America East named track and field first-year Nika Ouellette Field Performer of the Week. Oullette posted a season-best throw as she won the women’s javelin at the Larry Ellis Invitational in Princeton, N.J. last week.

Track and field impressive at Middlebury

At the Middlebury Invitational last Tuesday, the men’s and women’s track and field teams achieved first and second place finishes, respectively. In total, Vermont won 11 events, featuring a dominant performance in men’s javelin, where Catamounts occupied the top four places.