Mini opinions: Biggest icks
December 9, 2022
Secretly in love with one of our opinion writers? Well, we have some exciting news for you.
The opinion writers compiled a list of their biggest icks—things that turn us off immediately. So now, after you dramatically confess your love to one of us, you’ll know exactly what we find off-putting in any potential match.
You’re welcome. Stay sexy.
Picky eaters make me cringe.
Before I thoroughly eviscerate them, I would like to note that I respect food trauma and dietary restrictions as valid reasons for picky eating.
That being said, if neither of these apply to you, nothing turns me off more than your basic eating habits.
If the depth of your palate by college age is limited to pizza and pasta, we are massively incompatible. As a matter of fact, I might even hate you for it.
The moment I find out you’re a picky eater during our date, I will excuse myself to the bathroom, escape through the window and never look back.
Being a picky eater tells me you are a boring and unadventurous person, and that a relationship with you would be infuriating.
So grow up, eat your veggies, try weird food and experience life outside of your bubble before you die.
Using emojis unironically
Nothing ruins a flirty text message like an emoji.
Sure, emojis can be used to ironically add some humor and spice to your message, but seriously sending a laughing emoji is an instant turn-off.
It just feels so 2014. Unironic emoji use gives off the vibes of a middle schooler who just got their first phone, excited for all its cool features.
Don’t worry, I’m not crazy. I wouldn’t let a few emojis ruin our chance at love, but I will probably judge you for it a little.
So please, let’s leave the smiley face and kissing emojis to your grandma.
Let your words do the talking, not a cartoon face.
Being rude to customer service workers
Acting like a decent human being is the bare minimum.
Rudeness directed at anyone is something that drives me away almost instantly. But snarky comments or an unkind tone directed toward a waiter, barista or cashier—I’m out.
I don’t care if you want your drink iced and not hot, those workers are serving hundreds of people every day, doing a million things at once all while remaining kind and composed.
As someone who had a part-time job at Starbucks, I know firsthand that rude customers can literally ruin a customer service worker’s day. The least you can do is respectfully provide a correction to what you ordered or wanted.
You don’t need to know someone to be nice to them. They’re being nice to you, so at least return the favor.
Clicking sounds when eating
There is nothing quite as off-putting as when someone makes substantial noise when chewing food.
Everyone makes clicking and popping sounds when chewing food or talking, but the quantity and volume of these noises varies greatly between people.
I am not usually affected by “typical” off-putting sounds, like nails on a chalkboard, but I find something especially unsettling about mouth sounds.
Fortunately, the situation is not hopeless. Often it is easy to mask these unpleasant sounds with music or a noisy environment.
Not being into “The Lord of the Rings”
This one is definitely a very personal take, but I just can’t ever see myself being with anyone who doesn’t appreciate J.R.R. Tolkien’s literary masterpiece as much as I do.
I am quite the nerd for everything in the extended universe of both the novels and the films and the characters within them, all of which have been huge parts of my life for as long as I can remember.
I both rewatch and reread the series frequently, and having a partner who I cannot talk with about all my favorite new details I noticed or theories I discovered is just not a future I can see transpiring.
I have nothing against people who don’t share my passion for the series, as I understand some people find being into a fictional realm as much as I am to be odd.
But, put simply, if Dwarves, Elves, Orcs, Goblins and Wizards are not your cup of tea, I probably won’t be either.
I could never be with someone who doesn’t have a work ethic.
I would describe myself as a very hardworking person. I put maximum effort into everything I do and always try my best to do well.
The chameleon effect states that we subconsciously tend to pick up the mannerisms of those around us, according to an April 28, 2021 Verywell Mind article.
I need someone who has a similar work ethic to me to motivate me to keep working. If I were with someone who did not work hard, I would begin to slip as well.
Not to mention, relationships are all about hard work. If you don’t try in other aspects of your life, I can’t expect that you’ll put effort into our relationship.
Of course, having mental illnesses that inhibit your ability to motivate yourself, like depression, are a different story. I’m referring to people who just simply don’t try for no specific reason.
Laziness gives me the biggest ick and is too contagious to let into my life.
Not wearing shower shoes
Among the many things that dampen my attraction to men, there is no bigger turn-off than a barefoot man in a communal shower.
I don’t know if it’s just laziness or if men think having basic hygiene skills is inherently “feminine,” but sometimes it feels as if they’re purposely trying to develop trench foot and spread a slew of skin diseases around campus.
If you think people can’t tell it’s you barefoot-ing it up in there, you’re wrong. Don’t underestimate the power of peer investigation—it is FBI-level.
So, the next time you’re sitting there wondering why you aren’t getting any, ask yourself: “do I wear shower shoes like a normal human being?” Your answer will tell you all you need to know.
There’s no shame in the shoe, man.
“Your” instead of “you’re”
“Your cute” may be the ickiest text I have ever received.
I understand some people may have bad grammar, and while that is sometimes excusable, there are some mistakes I cannot overlook.
If someone writes “your” instead of “you’re” or vice versa, especially when they are using it in a compliment, it actually makes me gag. Have your elementary school teachers taught you nothing?
A solid 10 can rapidly be demoted to a measly six with this easily-fixable mistake. If you’re ever looking to drive a suitor away, this is a quick and simple solution.
I hate to break it to you, but that’s why “your” single.