Eliana Lambros

Mini opinions: Favorite bathroom on campus

October 18, 2022

Editor’s Note: An edit was made to correct a numerical error Nov. 6 at 5:45 p.m.

Bathrooms. We all use ‘em. UVM’s campus is filled with them—and there’s nothing like sitting on the perfect potty. Next time you gotta go, check out the opinion staff’s favorite UVM bathrooms.

Christophe Meunier Old Mill 5th Floor

Tucked away in the lofty halls of the top floor of Old Mill lies a restroom of a quality unmatched by any other. 

A single-stall beauty, it sits between the faculty offices of the best and brightest our political science department has to offer.

Unbridled penthouse views of UVM’s beautiful Central campus add the cherry on top to the privacy and homey feel of this small but comfortable space. 

Its location being in an area where students hardly ever venture means it remains in pristine condition at all times.

If you are ever in Old Mill and need to go, the elevator ride up to the 5th floor is well worth your while.

Grace Visco Millis 4th floor

I always get a lot of shit for this, no pun intended, but I loved sharing a bathroom in the dorms. 

Living on the fourth floor of Millis, my first year of college gave me countless unique memories and silly stories, so much so that my love for this communal bathroom inspired a whole separate column

I know what you’re thinking: wearing shower shoes and pooping next to strangers doesn’t seem very glamorous or fun. However, the bathroom on the fourth floor of Millis gave me a sense of comfort and community I didn’t expect to have before coming to college.

I felt every emotion in this bathroom. I laughed, I cried, I danced, I sang, I puked, I dyed my hair and I met so many amazing humans along the way.

What makes this bathroom so great are the memories made inside of it.

Though I am not expecting to use the Millis 4 bathroom again, I am so appreciative of the fun and love that bathroom gave me. It made my first year of college so much better.

Max Akom Jeffords Hall

Bathrooms are like Goldilocks’ porridge. 

If a bathroom is too cozy, then using it feels like defiling it. A bathroom needs an impersonal atmosphere or else it feels like I am defecating on my couch. 

On the other hand, if a bathroom feels too clinic-like, it can be difficult to get comfortable enough to do the deed. 

The bathrooms in Jeffords are perfect in this respect. They are impersonal enough that the simple act of using the restroom brings life to the space, but they are not so sterile that I am uncomfortable. 

The Jeffords bathrooms also have the perfect amount of stink: almost none. While it is obvious that a stinky bathroom is unpleasant, a bathroom with no odor is unpleasant as well. 

Tessa Fritz  Ifshin Hall

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I treat myself to a little drink at the Campus Perk in Ifshin Hall as a reward for the extremely difficult and strenuous task of going to two classes. 

Although I enjoy this little tradition, my bank account and my bladder do not. 

Bank balance aside, after slurping down my pumpkin chai latte with oat milk at record speed, I often pee 45 times in the next hour or two I spend studying. This is how I stumbled upon the great bathroom of Ifshin Hall, located in the Grossman School of Business.

Hidden behind two doors and through a small hallway, this glorious bathroom is always clean, well-stocked and rarely crowded, making it the perfect bathroom for my small bladder.

When in doubt, do your business in the business building.

Petra Zucker Central Campus Dining

For my whole life, I have been known for one main attribute: my notoriously small bladder. 

Every day, I meet up with some of my friends to eat lunch together at Central Campus Dining, and although the food is only sometimes good, the bathroom there is always a sight to see. 

Because of my unusually small bladder, I always end up in this bathroom at least once during any meal at Central Dining. 

Concealed in the back left corner lies a pristine, three-stall bathroom. It is the perfect place for a mid-meal dance party, giggling with friends and, of course, using the restroom. The large mirrors are ideal for taking a BeReal or making sure your outfit is still intact, and in these bathrooms, I’ve never encountered an empty soap dispenser. 

If you are ever on Central Campus, with just one Meal swipe, you can experience the best bathroom at UVM. 

Sophia Balunek Waterman building 5th floor

The ambiance is classy. The pale white light fills the room. 

One is first greeted with the lockers and bright red couch that are reminiscent of the good old days when all the wives would get up from their dinner table to go powder their noses and gossip while the husbands would talk about their mistresses. 

Regardless of whether this scene comes to mind for everyone upon setting foot in this space, there’s no doubt this particular bathroom is incredibly unique in the way of home furnishings. 

If one desires to pass up on the couch and directly enter the stalls, they’ll be blessed with elaborate marble doors. The roomy square footage allows plenty of space to comfortably remove one’s belongings and hang them on the back of the door. 

My personal favorite stall is the one that is sideways, because she’s not like other girls. 

Once finished, one can peer out of the hazy window and admire the architecture of Old Mill across the way. 

It is truly my favorite bathroom on campus—serene, enchanting and transcendent.

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