Anyone who has downloaded a dating app knows all too well the absolute tomfoolery and reprehensible behavior that notoriously circulates the DMs.
There’s just something about being given the green light to shoot your shot that seems to inspire people, men in particular, to showcase just how weird, creepy or even spooky they can get, all while leaving us wondering “has that line ever worked on anyone?”
Disclaimer: Some entries have been edited for clarity and corrected for spelling and punctuation. If you recognize any of your personal favorite lines to use, I encourage you to reflect on that in a healthy manner.
“Help me steal a stingray”
Sometimes I scroll back to this message and question what the sender meant. I showed it to a friend and she asked if perhaps they were referring to the car which didn’t occur to me as I was picturing an aquarium robbery as a first date. I guess we’ll never know.
“I’ll let you hold my hand in public if you let me hold your throat in private”
I’m spooked and disgusted. This was received by a friend of mine and it is concerning.
“If you farted, I’d roll the windows up”
Leads one to wonder the health impacts of this particular young man’s fantasy—not just physically, but psychologically.
“Ok, so this may sound like I’m messing with you, but I promise I’m not. I was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease called cyroaudiovascularmalexia. Basically, if I don’t get enough blood flow to my ears, they will slowly freeze and fall off, and then the disease will spread to my brain. There’s only one cure: I need to constantly warm my ears, and the only material soft enough is the inner thighs of a pretty girl. So, would you be kind enough to help me treat my crippling illness before it’s too late?”
Freshly copied and pasted out of Notes app and the most unoriginal yet unsettling paragraph you could send someone. Almost every woman I know has received this tragic story.
“Please save my bloodline.”
Many men seem to falsely believe that bearing children is a sexy and attractive thing for a woman to consider when presented with the possibility of hooking up with a man on Tinder. This could not be further from the truth and actually happens to be what the recipient of this message referred to as “my worst fucking nightmare.”
“Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.”
I tend to think of this “Game of Thrones” quote as a millennial office worker favorite which is about the least sexy thing I can think of. Points for creativity? But subsequently revoked points because your weird older cousin would think this is hilarious.
“So here’s the thing. I have this new state of the art invisible squat rack that I’ve been developing and I’m looking for participants to help test it out. It’s packed with features from the incredible range of motion it allows, to the incredible contraction it promotes due to the absence of physical weight and the convenient but innovative placement directly above my bed frame. If you’d ever like to come try it out for yourself, I’d love to hear your audible feedback as I’m always looking to improve the product and fine tune my craft.”
No comment.
