Respectfully having sex in a shared space

sex1It’s Friday and you have just finished your last class for the week.

Exhausted, all you want to do tonight is nap, watch Grey’s Anatomy and order a pizza.

You call in a pizza as you are walking up the stairs to your hall and get to your room.

The door is unlocked but closed.

Strange, but not out of the ordinary.

You open the door, plop your backpack down and there in front of you in all of god’s glory is your roommate having sex.

Embarrassed you run out of the room and slam the door.

You have just lost your appetite, and, your Friday night plans. Great.

For the next two hours you sit in the hallway, playing candy crush on your phone until your roommates partner comes out, waving the white flag of surrender.

You know the coast is clear and you can have your room back.

How could this situation have been avoided?

Simple. The Dapper Vagina’s Three Cs to Cumming: communication, courtesy and compromise.

Communication: This is key to avoiding walk-ins.

If you are planning on having a guest, a simple text message, carrier pigeon or smoke signal will do the trick. You can always do a throwback to Animal House and leave a sock on the door, although that may just end up with people in your hall stealing your socks.  

On the other hand, if you know you are going to want a low key night, let your roommate know that you plan on staying in.

Courtesy: Although having wild sexscapades on your twin XL bed can be fun, set a time limit.

According to “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” it takes the average male anywhere from two to 10 minutes to orgasm and takes the average female eight to 27 minutes to orgasm.

Once you calculate potential condom struggles, adequate foreplay, and post-sex cuddle time, you have about an hour. Limit your sexy time to an hour for all parties involved.

A big no-no is bringing a person back to your place late at night and having sex, because your roommate is asleep, right? Sure, in your head this sounds reasonable, but I guarantee they are never asleep.

You have put them in a position where they now must either drug themselves to get to sleep or subject themselves to the not so soothing sounds of your love making.

Finally, the last C: Compromise. Your partner also has a room where you two can go do the devil’s disco. If you have had your honey over every weekend for the past month it may be time to talk about changing location, in order to not piss off your roommate.

So before you bring back that girlfriend, boyfriend or sex friend remember the Three Cs. Your roommate will thank you.