Beer Sales Soar in Classroom

The move that many high ranking officials in higher education shunned and criticized heavily is now being seen as revolutionary. The University of Vermont’s exclusive contract with Budweiser to sell and distribute Budweiser products in classrooms has not only generated a decent profit for the university but has also increased student attendance.

Budweiser has placed 30 “Beer Guys” in the classrooms selling 12 oz. cups of Budweiser products between the hours of 10 am and 6 pm. The beer sales since the beginning of the Spring semester have almost exceeded $12,000.

“There is a lot of money to be made in selling beer to students while they are in class,” said Anheuser Busch CEO, August A. Busch III. “I am just glad that UVM has given us an outlet to exploit these students and their money.”

Indeed, students are flocking to classes in record numbers. Attendance at large general education classes had become a rising issue. Classes such as the lower level psychology courses were experiencing less than 50% attendance on Fridays. However, since the Beer Guys began passing the cold cups down the rows, the seats are being filled. Many classes are seeing100% and even110% attendance.

Some professors are having trouble adjusting to the beer sales during their lecture time. “It can be distracting to have the ‘chug’ chants in the back of the classroom,” said finance professor, James Gatti. “But the classroom discussions are far more candid and the standing ovations when I derive an equation make me feel pretty good.”

The overall reaction from the student body has been anything but mixed. The overall enthusiasm for attending class has been overwhelming according to UVM officials.

UVM Senior, Andrew Miller, was approached leaving an engineering class and asked to comment on the beer sales in his classes. “Dude, wanna see a dance I just made up?” Miller shuffled his feet wildly and sang the theme song to Bosom Buddies. “I just got my midterm back today. I got a 36, but it’s a 48 with the curve, WHOOO!” Miller put the three stapled sheets of paper that was his test inbetween his legs and began riding them like a bull. “My mother’s a whore!” He ran away before he could make any further comments.

The UVM Marketing and department saw the Budweiser partnership as more than just an business venture but also a way to attract a less than average student.

“The sales of beer in the classroom can only boost our image for potential incoming students,” said the UVM Marketing director in a recent press release. “In all honesty, who doesn’t want to get hammered while you’re differentiating equations? If I had to do it all over again, I would definitely choose UVM. Come to think of it, I just might.

“The consumption of alcohol in the classrooms will also lower GPA’s which will retain high tuition paying students for five, maybe even six years!”