Souza’s Churrascaria: Delicious, but only down for a one-night stand

When I told people that I wanted to check out the new Brazilian barbeque on Main Street, Souza’s Churrascaria, I got a pretty unanimous response. It went something along the lines of: “Yo, they got so much food at that place, you better not eat all day and get so blazed you can’t stand up before walking in there! They’ve got like eight deserts, and meat on a stick comes out every few minutes for like two hours!” That’s pretty much it. You sit down, and they bring you food for over an hour. It’s really awful, but it feels great. It would be almost impossible to review everything they give you at Souza’s. For the 16$ cover charge, you are brought over forty dishes. At first they try to trick you into thinking that you may be in a hippie-friendly, veggie-filled restaurant by bringing out a bean broth (delicious, lighter than Cuban black bean soup, but a similar appeal) and some cheese bread, followed by a simple house salad. But within about twenty minutes, the jig is up and one is assaulted with almost every part of the chicken, cow, and pig. The server could emerge with a big cut of meat on a stick, sausages on a spear, or turkey wrapped in smoked bacon. Some were good. All were edible. But no one could really focus on the quality of the food, because the quantity was so astounding. After over an hour of eating, the idea that they would bring out seven deserts, four of which were actually just sugar-paste (a passion fruit mousse, Dulce di lece, Dulce di banana, and coconut majari) was quite mean. But we tried it. That’s the Souza way. Their goal is to take years off of your life. Souza’s is the gigolo of the restaurant industry. It will not stick around and tell you it had a good time. It will leave you in the night for another booty call. It’s very fickle. But if you just let go, and eat everything Souza’s gives you, you will enjoy yourself. But be ready to feel very sleazy afterwards. It’s not a trashy place. Our servers were very knowledgeable, and our host was very attentive. But in the end their hollow smiles and handshakes only greased the way to our seats. Then they stuffed us and sent us on our way. I was happy though. It gave me what I wanted. Go to Souza’s once, and love it. But don’t expect it to call you. It’s more of a one-night sort of place.