School being remote for the rest of the semester is a real bummer. But all the discussions of why remote learning is terrible have overlooked the backbone of academia: boredom crushes.

A boredom crush is a cute person in your class that you have a passive crush on. The crush likely is specific to that class and does not apply outside of the classroom. Not all classes have a boredom crush in them, but they brighten the classes they are in.

There are a lot of factors that contribute to a boredom crush. The most significant is where they sit in proximity to you. Usually a boredom crush will sit a few rows ahead of you and to either side. This makes it easy to casually look at them without seeming creepy or exerting much effort.

The second factor in boredom crushes is class size. Large lecture hall classes are better suited for boredom crushes than something smaller. A large class has the advantage of more options, and it is less likely you know them. 

Smaller classes tend to be full of people in your major that you aren’t interested in wistfully crushing on.

Anonymity is desirable in a boredom crush. Often, you won’t even know their name, and this allows you to fantasize about anything you want. You can day dream about being put in the same group for a project without knowing they won’t pull their weight. 

Boredom crushes are a vital part of education. They give you something to zone out to, and more importantly, they give you a reason not to skip class.

Without a boredom crush, it is easy to lose motivation. 

The only way to see your boredom crush now is if the class you share uses Zoom or Microsoft Teams. And even if your class does, they might not turn on their camera. 

Every recorded lecture now comes with a pang of sadness. Having to take notes without them in the corner of your eye is disappointing.

And there is no alternative to a boredom crush at home. It is easy to try and assign the duty to an old Twilight poster. But that doesn’t do the trick: after eight years on your wall, Edward Cullen is no longer mysterious.

So we are forced to do our classwork alone. The memory of exactly what they look like fades, along with the hope of falling in love with them.