Buy dogs, not guns. Save lives
Gun control is, and has been all our lives, a very hot-button issue.
In 2015, there were 372 mass shootings in America, according to the BBC. I believe there have already been more than that in 2016.
In response to this issue, many people have tried to restrict gun laws — to no avail of course, thanks to the National Rifle Association. People pushing for more relaxed gun laws have had better luck; it is now easier to openly carry a weapon in many places. Because nothing says let’s stop shooting people like giving people more guns.
The University of Texas at Austin has just decided to allow students to carry concealed handguns on their campus. This was met with a fantastic protest called “Cocks Not Glocks,” in which free dildos were given out and waved in the air. Apparently the sex toy is technically illegal on campus, but weapons are not.
Also, over the summer at several Trump rallies as well as the Republican National Convention, supporters of the famed Oompa Loompa-Gone-Rogue were openly carrying weapons — from handguns to rifles.
When asked, they of course said they were there to exercise their rights, not to threaten anyone. I mean obviously.
They were met with protest as well; and while all of these protests are moving toward something good and something I believe in, I think we need a new tactic.
The University of Texas protesters are on a good track, I think. They’re trying to substitute guns for something else people like. But not everybody likes dildos, or sex toys in general. No, we need to think of something more wide-spread.
America undoubtedly needs less guns, but you know what America undoubtedly needs more of? Dogs.
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Think about it; dogs are great. They are friendly, loyal, playful, good companions and they help people get more active. They can be trained as therapy dogs to comfort people, and they can be
trained as sporting dogs to help you hunt. They can be trained to be in shows or to herd animals or to protect you. Dogs can do anything.
And who doesn’t like dogs? Sure some people don’t on an individual basis, but as a society, I can’t think of any group that doesn’t like dogs.
City people like dogs, country people like dogs, gang members, CEOs, farmers, rednecks, homeless people, those terrifying suburbia people that all look the same — all those people like dogs! And as long as they treat them well, dogs will like all of those people.
And since so many people like dogs, it’ll be a hard idea to oppose. How can a Republican politician, for example, claim to like dogs if he doesn’t support more of them? Does he hate puppies? Down go his polling numbers.
I honestly can’t see any major flaws in this program. Think of how many dogs there are in shelters and pounds across the country. If we started distributing them to people who want guns, we’d get a lot of them into homes.
Sure, you might think “Well people need to be taught to take care of dogs.” Yes, that’s true, but people need to be taught to use firearms as well. Which of those things is more valuable: learning to care for another life, or learning to shoot something and in all likelihood end a life?
As a final argument, I would like to submit this idea. Tucker the therapy dog is amazing. We all love Tucker. He makes us happy and helps us de-stress. A lot of people who have a lot of guns could really chill out. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they had a cool canine pal to make them relax a little? Think about it.
So with all this in mind, I submit to you a new national campaign for gun control: Less guns, more dogs.
