The Vermont Cynic

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Trying to get to class without really trying? Run-walk

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If you are a college student that has been running late on one occasion or another, you have experienced the run-walk — you know, not quite a walk, but not quite a run, either.

The run-walk is the most awkward mode of transportation. It’s important to note that there are a few different types of run-walks.

The worst type of run-walk is when you’re trying to make it to the crosswalk after the timer has already started. This occurs when you’re about 200 feet from the crosswalk. You know that if you run, you can easily make it, but you’re also far enough away that it would also be completely reasonable to wait.

You don’t want to wait though, because that will mean at least two full minutes of waiting before the light changes again. So you decide to run-walk. From start to finish, you never feel quite right about this run-walk because by the time you are already about a quarter of the way through the crosswalk, the timer runs out and the light is green.

But everyone knows you already committed to run-walk. So now not only are you run-walking, but you are apologetically looking to the cars for approval. You find no one.

Another brutal type of run-walk is when you already know that you’re late for class. This run-walk can be broken down into two forms.

The first is the switch-off run-walk. This is when you simply cannot decide if you want to run or walk. So you start to run, and then change your mind, and walk. Then you remember that you can’t walk, or you’ll be late for class.

[media-credit name=”Genevieve Winn” align=”alignnone” width=”250″]run-walking-edit[/media-credit]

So you start running again, only to stop because you physically can’t; you are a chill, laid-back college student, which is probably the reason you are late in the first place. And everyone knows that being a chill, laid back college student is inversely related to physical fitness. So now you’re walking again, until your anxiety takes over. And you start to run again.

And now you’re so sweaty from the combination of anxiety and lack of physical fitness that you look up the sky and vow that you’re going to make it to the gym. But you won’t, because you clearly have no time management, hence the lateness, and the vicious cycle continues.

The second type is the consistent run-walk. This run-walk occurs when you know you’re late, but you’re either wearing an outfit that won’t allow for an all-out run, or are carrying a backpack the size of a boulder, or the common combination of the two.

You are in social hell the entire time, because you keep seeing people that you know and want to say hey to you on the way to class, and you’re not exactly running so you still look available to chat.

So you have to just smile and keep your headphones locked in your ears as you awkwardly pass the person who is trying to make conversation with you. But you’re not quite fast enough to do that, so you’re just a few steps in front of them, internally freaking out while trying to remain chill. Things are most interesting when coffee is added to the mix.

Run-walking should really be avoided at all costs. It isn’t fun for anyone: run-walkers, spectators, cars, friends who are just trying to chat. Set your alarms early, wake up earlier, smoke less weed — do whatever it takes to make sure that you have the time to commit to walking. Honestly, no one wants to see that.

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Trying to get to class without really trying? Run-walk