What does GOP stand for anyway?

Have you ever heard of the GOP? A long time ago, it used to stand for the Grand Old Party, but today it stands for so much more.

You may know the Grand Old Party by another name, “the Republicans,” however it is the GOP for a reason. Most of their constituents are old white men, thus: Grand – short for grandpa, Old – self explanatory, and finally, Party – sadly no, there is not a keg.

However in recent years, the GOP has begun to redefine itself in order to stir up the public imagination and get away from their boring, alabaster norms.

For example, when former President George W. Bush was in office and allowed huge tax cuts for those making boatloads of cash, the GOP stood for Greed Over People.

When Hurricane Katrina struck and it took a week to get aid to the victims, GOP stood for Got Other Priorities. Yet this lovely acronym seems to hold new meaning for every Republican that comes along.

When John McCain and Sarah Palin ran on the presidential ticket and wanted to “Drill baby, drill,” GOP stood for Gas, Oil, and Petroleum.

In today’s Republican nominee field, GOP has more meanings than anyone ever thought possible.

Gov. Rick Perry of Texas seems to be the frontrunner for the presidential nomination, and after regaling the nation with his story of shooting a coyote on his morning run, he has gleefully defined GOP as Guns, Our Priority.

Many of the candidates want to help fix the deficit, but think that raising taxes on the bottom 50 percent of earners in the country would be more effective than on the top 2 percent even though they make the same net amount of money. Here, GOP stands for Gut Our Public.

The Gauntlet Of Power that the GOP race is becoming seems to be attracting many scary participants. At the recent Tea Party Candidate debate, Texas Rep. Ron Paul was asked what to do if someone is in a coma, but has no life insurance.

Paul answered that it is a choice to be covered or not. The moderator then asked if he would let him die, but before he could answer someone in the audience yelled, “Yes!”

I bet the Republicans now wish they had not defined GOP as Grow Our Party and included that guy.

All in all, it seems that the GOP still has plenty of soul searching to do. Though most GOP candidates like to think of themselves as God Ordained Politicians, the Republican voters seem to be more concerned with beating Obama than with their own values.

According to The New York Times, “Half of Republicans who plan to vote in a primary said they would like more choices.”

Ultimately, if these Grand Old Porkers want to find a decent candidate, they may have to give up their Golf, Oil and Prostitutes and try and focus on more solid issues and less on this personality contest.

At this point, maybe the GOP should just Get Out of Politics.