Keep your clothes on, please

Concerts are not pep rallies. Therefore, unless it’s a Village People reunion show, there shouldn’t be shirtless men. Standing room only concerts tend to be hot, sweaty affairs. You’re packing in close with fellow fans, moving and shaking your bodies to bumpin beats — it’s going to generate some heat. Therefore, I understand the urge to lose an article of clothing or two. But I beg you, please, ignore the lyrics to the Nelly classic “Hot in Herre” and think of your fellow concertgoers. Last week I went to the Skrillex show at Memorial Auditorium and had to deal with the troubling phenomenon as myriad young men stripped down to bare skin. The showing was even worse at Pretty Lights a few weeks back and Fall Fest before that. Lately, if feels like at every concert I go to, I risk getting a sweaty shoulder to the face from some boy with his shirt off. I’m tired of feeling like I’m partaking in a shirts versus skins basketball game every time I try to get down to some sweet bass. I’m sure your pecks are impressive. I know that flannel shirt is hot. But shedding a layer of clothing means there is nothing between me and your slick back, and no one wants to rub up against that on the crowded floor. As if bare torsos flanking you on three sides is not enough, when a gentleman takes off his shirt at a concert, where is he going to put it? Some go for the classic draped around the neck like a towel look, but what is truly troubling is when they opt for the turban look. I know it seems like a good idea 12 beers in, but, I promise you, it is not. Now, I don’t want to be sexist. There was definitely a stripped-down girl at Fall Fest, clad in only a bra and leggings. Nearly naked girl, while I applaud your audacity to break down the bullshit gender rule, I’m as annoyed with you as I am with your male peers — I don’t want be shoved up against your perspiring body either. We all know that sold-out, standing-room-only concerts are unavoidably going to get toasty. While I do urge everyone to skip donning a flannel shirt, even in a sweet muscle tee it can get pretty unbearable. Please remember, however, that we’re all there, feeling the same heat and trying to have a good time regardless. Stripping down may make you feel a bit more comfortable, but it makes everyone around you that much more uncomfortable. And that’s not cool at all.