An Interview With Daniel Fogel(?)

I’ve decided that it’s time I showed my true journalistic colors. Too many people are beginning to think of me as an entertainer. I am not here to tell jokes or to say ridiculous things for your amusement. I am only interested in the facts, the hard truth, the nitty-gritty. So, using this tenacious talent, I sought out President Fogel for my first shot at the political arena. Here’s a segment from our first interview.

BLUE: And what, then, is your stance on the budget? I mean, you raise good points, but honestly… how do you plan on settling this thing?

DF: Beeeeep.

After several more attempts at getting a meaningful answer, I discovered that it was his answering machine I was interacting with and “leave your name and number” was not as symbolic as I had originally made it out to be. In my defense, the clarity on his machine was remarkable. Relentless, I continued to call until I was met with a much different voice.

DF: Hello, this is President Fogel speaking.


DF: Hello?

BLUE: I, uh… so… I have a question.

(long pause)

DF: May I ask who’s speaking?

BLUE: Well…. Um… I don’t…. (click)

Ashamed, I was met with the stunning realization that perhaps this wasn’t as easy as it looked. But eventually I got that phone interview, and I got it damn good too!

DF: I am Daniel Fogel.

BLUE: What are some of your plans for the future?

DF: I have an office. There are windows.

BLUE: That’s tremendous, but what the readers are really curious about is your idea for what’s to come in your time here?

DF: I am Daniel Fogel. I like stamps.

Some of my fellow Cynic authors pointed out to me that they didn’t believe that I was actually speaking to Daniel Fogel. They even went as far as to accuse me of “staging” the phone call with “an imposter”, to which I say…. Okay, maybe, so what? Why couldn’t they just support me? One of these accusers, after a good laugh at my expense, put his hand around me and recommended that I try an e-mail.

Dear D. Fogel, What up, dawg? How’s it going up in the big house? Passing lots of laws? That’s cool. Anyway, Foggy, I thought I’d check in and see what’s on the menu for the upcoming year. Any big doing’s brewing? I hear you on that, Danny Fo’! Nasty! Anyway, I gotta get back to doing my writing thing. Let me know, okay?

Love ya, D-Train Blue

After sending and re-sending several more times, I got this reply:

Dear `Blue’, Please stop sending me letters. I do not appreciate being called `Foggy’ or `Danny Fo’. If you have a legitimate question, please try calling me instead of sending me e-mails that are ninety-six percent gibberish. Also, we have a wonderful English program here at UVM, please feel free to take advantage of it.

President Fogel

DISCLAIMER: Michael Blouin has never spoken with President Fogel or anyone from his office. This article is purely a work of fiction. All characters involved are either in Michael’s head or are his neighbor Hayden dressed up in a Fogel-esque costume.