Fall 2004 Classes Analysis

Once again UVM has produced carefully reasoned and justified classes for the fall semester. They run the gamut from advanced bowling to regular bowling and everything in between and promise to aid in the successful development and transition of those who enroll in them. But perhaps you have been unsatisfied with the plethora of classes UVM has previously offered. Sure, you might say, why should I be interested in the poetry of T.S. Elliot or the foolishness of Ayn Rand? You shouldn’t be. I have taken it upon myself to organize and critique the more interesting classes offered in the fall semester for you, the thankless public. Last year when I wrote about classes being offered for the fall 2003 semester, I choose to include the grades I should have been given in those classes. of course they were all accurate and need not be questioned. This year I have decided to be the grader instead of the graded, and as such I will assign a grade to the courses being offered.

ART 295 Advanced Wheel Throwing Grade: F

Where to begin? Pickup the wheel and throw it, it’s that simple. For lack of originality and effort, I give this class an F.

MU 121 Concert Band Grade: F

Concert Band?! More like crap. Q: What happens when you take crap and try to mold it into a concert band? A: F.

FOR 385 Selected Problems in Forestry Grade: F+

No toilets, no TV. Let me select one of those problems. Oh, looks like I selected an F+ for this class. The “+” is a joke. You’re welcome

EDSS 239 SLIP Seminar Grade: F

A SLIP Seminar. I have no idea what that means and neither do you. Maybe they slipped when they tried to think of what to call this class. Ha ha ha! Slipped! Ha ha ha ha! F.

HST 195 Visionaries and Virgins Grade: F-

This one writes itself. Who will they read in that class? Joey “The Virgin” Lawrence? I wonder who’s teaching this class? Wait, no I don’t. Grade: F-

WST 271 Psychology of Women Grade: F

Hhhmmm…this must be a three part class. Part one: Hair. Part Two: Makeup. Part Three: Find a man to leech off of the rest of your life. This class gets an A for humor and an F for everything else.

Now that I have gone over the most important classes and provided thoughtful insight into what you, the average UVM undergraduate, can expect next semester I will take the remained of the time to reflect on these so called “courses”. No doubt, if you are still reading this you are disgusted, and I must share your sentiment. Indeed this was done in poor taste with callous regard for everyone attending the University of Vermont. How could these classes be offered? What is UVM thinking? I can only relate a profound sense of disbelief at these choices. I know you are feeling this disbelief too. Based on the “most important” classes offered, I feel it necessary to issue one final grade, levied against UVM. I wish I could say you deserved an A UVM, but you have failed us again. You truly are to blame UVM. Grade: F-