Guitar Hero’ Skills Don’t Translate into Actual Guitar-Playing Skills

A dose of reality hit Ryan Soles, a UVM sophomore, when he attempted to perform a guitar solo at a recent party assuming that the hours he spent playing the popular video game, Guitar Hero, would pay off and give him actual guitar playing skills.

“Are you guys ready to rock?!” He told the crowd. He then picked up the $2000 Gibson guitar that he made his mother buy for him and said, “Rock-tacular! Lets do this!” The “solo” that he played was reportedly no more than a few off-tone strums and some weird, squeaking noise coming out of the amp.

The solo was responded to by “boo’s” and jeers, while most other spectators just shook their heads and tried not to feel too embarrassed for him. People who heard it outside the party reportedly thought the noise was some sort of welding accident.

Apparently, Soles simply assumed that this video game was just as easy as playing an actual guitar. “I don’t understand it,” Soles said. “I’ve been playing that game constantly for like three months. I can even play the Guns N’ Roses song on expert and get a high score. Why couldn’t I get a high score with a real guitar? It just doesn’t make sense.”

The event was a major disappointment to the spectators as well. “It was painful to watch,” reports one anonymous partygoer. “I mean I’ve seen some bad guitar players before, but this just got everyone depressed. We all pretty much just put our drinks down and went home after that.”

This is not the first time that Soles has overstepped his boundaries due to a video game. In the past, he has been banned from several night clubs for trying to bust out some Dance Dance Revolution moves on the dance floor. And while banning someone due to poor dancing is not usually a normal procedure, the club owners were concerned that his “dancing” was repelling customers and clients.

Soles also suffered a concussion as well as a collarbone fracture several years ago while trying to skateboard along a 50 foot long rail in an abandoned construction site because he was trying to be “just like Tony Hawk.”

Soles is trying to move past this night of shameful musical display, but the effects of the solo have affected his life more than he would like. His roommate requested to move out, and he lost most of his Facebook friends.

Being that he has a recurring history of blending reality and the fantasy world of video games, Ryan’s remaining friends have tried to suggest maybe taking some lessons, so that he can actually learn how to play his instrument.

“Are you kidding?” Soles responded. “I don’t have any time for that. I’m a second semester Soc minor. The work is really piling on.”

While he claims that he is backed up from all the work he has to do, Soles has been seen only at his computer gambling on the internet. “I’m mad good at this.” He says. “This summer, I’m gonna enter in the World Series of Poker.”