Things You Wanted to Say, but Didn’t

In the words of a friend, “Life is a joke, and the joke is on us.” To put it simply, stop taking yourselves so seriously!

What is life without a sense of humor? The kind of humor where you can laugh hysterically at the blunders of others and more importantly, at yourself. It absolutely amazes me that anyone would take this article seriously, and what is more, get pissed off about it.

In response to the hate mail and death threats I have received, I decided to find out if I was the only judgmental bitch on campus. So I eavesdropped on a number of different conversations to see if once, even once, my test subjects put someone else down or made fun of the way they looked or acted. What do you know? Nearly every single time my little lab rats had something nasty to say.

So guess what?? IT IS NOT JUST ME!! I am just the only person bizarre enough to put it in print for everyone to see. I look at it as the difference between stabbing someone in the back and screaming it in their face. So get off your f****** soap box and save your hypocrisy for someone else.

All of this talk of hostility should hit home with my most recent and outrageous critic, Zoe. I have two words for you, Zoe: pottery co-op. In other words, try to find something more constructive to do with your hands than punching people in the face. If not pottery, then maybe try stuffing a fist in your mouth so you will shut the hell up. What? Did I just insult you? That’s a yes. When is my reality check coming…honey? I will be sure to wear padded shorts for when you “knock my silly ass down.”

More importantly, we should talk about this “soon to be” Freestyle Littering Club. The question of the day: If you hate hippies so much, why the hell did you come to UVM? Didn’t you see them EVERYWHERE when you took your campus tour senior year? I assure you they were not there for decoration and I can guarantee you they are not about to leave anytime soon. I have an idea…since you are the minority here, why don’t YOU leave? (And take Fogel with you). Speaking of my favorite environmentally and student-friendly school president, what do you think Fogel was for Halloween? Again, I am not short on opinions. I think Fogel paraded around as a self-serving, student-hating, anti-plant life, a******. Oh wait!! He already is! Well you must have been set to go then, Fogely bear, you did not even need to wear a costume.

I hope you all got belligerent, i.e. drunk, for this very special holiday and I hope you made sure you stopped by Fogel’s private home to get your apples and razor blades.