A Brother’s Retort

Well, Andrew, you have once again proven that you are an idiot. That review of the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert was the worst article I’ve ever read – EVER. I got no sense of the atmosphere of the show, there is no mention of the new and improved stations at the Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Concert Arena (Brought to You by Pepsi) Food Court, and hello, you don’t even comment on the bevy of hot moms in the parking lot afterwards. And I’m sorry, but “God-like,” while powerful when describing, say, David “Magic-Man” Blaine or “ER” (the George Clooney years), is hardly appropriate here, you blasphemer. Luckily, readers, I too was at that concert. And so, without further adieu, I give you the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Concert Arena (Brought to You by Pepsi): But first, let me just say this. Brother, you are a reflection of me. When you write something stupid like that *cough* “review,” it makes me look bad. The folks here at UVM read that article and surely think, “Hey Nat, your kid brother is a moron!” But ladies (oh, and guys too), Natalie Powers has more than one younger brother. Please don’t mistake us. I’m her younger brother JOHN, not Andrew. JOHN (and I’m actually only 14 months younger than Nat, ladies). Some people may not know that she has two younger brothers. But she does. So if I, JOHN, come up to visit Nat at college, (and find myself engaging a fetching young co-ed wearing rag wool socks and Birkenstocks in a conversation about how I go to NYU film and how Citizen Kane is only like the greatest movie of all time and how Tarentino is so overrated, and by the way, sweetheart, I’ll have a single next year) please don’t take me for that jerk-wad Andrew. Geez. I hate that jerk-wad. And “by the way” (you don’t even mention that the RHCP opened with that song, nincompoop), Andrew (not John), you can’t write. Here is a taste of your ramblings: “They do an amazing job at exploring all areas of music with heavy guitar, rapping beats, funky riffs, and slow and mellow.” What “area of music” is “slow and mellow?” Is it a Mixolydian church mode? Where’s the noun, genius? “They perform a wide arrange of talents.” Andrew, you’re a moron. Man, you are so lucky that I stepped up here to review this concert and make up for your unept…inept…your stupidity. Hey, who’s up for some passionative music? You see, Andrew, that was a joke. I was kidding. There is no such word as “passionative.” Jerk. Anyway, in conclusion: the concert was great. Rock on, Chili Peppers.