April Fools: The lap of luxury

The brand new McDonald’s, located on Williston Road, is the epitome of luxury in the Burlington Area.Upon entering the restaurant, the atmosphere is efficient, yet relaxing. The highest grade of linoleum, almost mistakable for marble because the swirling design is so accurate, lines the smooth entryway. The plush couches and lounge chairs also cater to any sore or weary bottom. With the free high-speed wireless internet, the customer does not even have to leave these comforting seats. The goal of this restaurant is obviously to pamper the customer. Even the bathrooms are large and open with high, arching ceilings. Each stall even has sound proof doors, promptly announced to the customer via an official sticker placed at different heights on the door. Thus, customers with lower or higher eye levels do not feel discriminated against.The customer returns to face their culinary experience after this brief moment of luxury, expecting a possible decline in the quality of service. Yet they have nothing to fear.One may order immediately due to the long bank of cash registers and employees cheerfully awaiting an order. Each employee is trained to master customer service and learns to operate the cash registers efficiently.The manager said “we even make our employees take a test of speed and accuracy. They cannot be allowed to the floors if they have not mastered the art of the cash register, the prized element of our restaurant.”Through these glorious machines and highly trained staff, customers may place their orders efficiently and delightedly await the glorious feast that is about to arrive at the counter.The meal options are also highly varied and unique. McDonald’s will combine any selection of foods from their dollar menu, and will even alter their set “meals” to please the customer. One of the most tempting dinners on the gleaming plastic-surrounded-by-stainless-steel menu is the chicken nuggets. Formed out of hand shredded white chicken breast, these are little pieces of delight.The potato wedge French fries are also very tempting. The crispy out?side potato skin and the soft and salty inside go perfectly with ketchup.Breakfast is also glorified by the brand new coffee bar provided for those weary early morning commuters. A local newspaper voted this bar “better than Starbucks and with shorter lines.” Susannah Flynn, a frequent McDonald’s customer, said, “I always come here for coffee. Even my husband, a previous Speeder and Earl’s fan, converted once I took him to McDonald’s.”This new McDonald’s is a splendid addition to the wide range of locally-owned Burlington restaurants, surpassing many of them and supplying premium corporate service. Fredrick Mills, UVM senior, summed up the restaurant in a few words, saying “I have never been to a place like it.”