Ask Dr. Goodlove

Dear Dr. Goodlove,I know this is where people come to get love, but what if my problem is that I don’t want love. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t dream of being in love or that I’m not capable of loving another. It’s due to my current beau being a tad premature with his feelings of amour. On only our second date he blurted out that he loved me. While I informed him that he did not and explained slowly why that was a virtual impossibility, I’m a little weary that his anxious confession might be an indication of insecurity and immaturity. Signed-Skeptical of SketchballDear RUN FOR YOUR LIFE,While I do not doubt that you are a very loveable person, I’d follow your hunch that this dude is not in love with you. Oh sure, he may love your smile, and he may love spending time with you, but by throwing that weighty word around he demonstrates that he does not know what true love entails. He has to have seen you on your best and worst hair days, not just when you are in date mode, before he can determine that his heart is strong, genuine, and unconditional. His undying devotion is the stuff stalkers are made of. In other words, scary in its intensity and desperation. By pushing the relationship to transcend bounds he is pressuring you to devote yourself to him. He is not, however, giving you good reason to do this. Sounds like a case of in love with the idea of love or a form of entrapment to me.Realistic people know that trust and commitment are earned, not implied. Relationships that develop gradually are more likely to last. You have gone out twice and he already knows everything there is to know about you? At this pace he will ask you to marry him next week, and by April you will be divorced.I agree with you completely (are you trying to steal my job?) that his love utterance was a symptom of insecurity and immaturity. In junior high school I was madly in love with a new boy each week, and every time it was true luv 4 eva.Remind him that you like him too, but for the time being you are more interested in getting to know him and having fun. Tell him if he thinks he loves you now he should stick around because it just keeps getting better.