I’ll fly again when I grow wings

I don’t fly. Why? Because planes are known to crash and, honestly, I don’t trust the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) because everyone screws off at their job. That’s why. Over the break, I chose to endure a 24-hour long bus ride to the bowels of the Dirty South instead of a quick and semi-painless three-hour flight.’ So there I was, somewhere in Virginia, when someone asked me why I chose to bus it rather than fly. No sooner could I get the words out of my mouth when news of an American Airlines flight skidding off the runway came on. A few days later, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab tried to blow up the flight he was on with a bomb tucked in his underpants. This time last year, a flight crash-landed in the Hudson. Then there were the pilots who forgot to land the plane because they were playing on their laptops. ‘ Ring any bells? And I won’t even begin to get into how I’ve just started to watch ‘Lost.’ Really, my biggest beef with the airlines is the feeling that the TSA, and pilots in general, are slowly becoming as competent as a squirrel running a bucket loader. Chew on this: Supposedly, this Abdulmutallab character had a rap sheet before he ever got onto that flight, and he still made it on. ‘ A few weeks ago a love-smitten man followed his girlfriend past a security checkpoint because a TSA agent had left their post. Obviously this guy didn’t do anything as catastrophic as try to blow up a plane with an underwear bomb, he was just living out a John Cusack, follow-my-girlfriend-to-her-terminal fantasy of his. But what if he had a bomb? Who would have been to blame for that one? The American government, with all their omnipotence, or the half-wit who wasn’t doing their job? Take those pilots updating their Facebook statuses rather than flying the plane as another example of why I don’t fly. It’s the sheer lack of them doing their jobs that scares me. Sure, the bus or car I’m in may crash. The boat I sail on may sink. However, I could, theoretically, walk and/or swim away from such accidents. ‘ ‘ ‘ Your plane crashes and you’re screwed, buddy! With all the hype about airport security over the last decade you’d think by now we’d be safe. We’re not. Not if a loverboy and someone with an underwear bomb can get past security without the blink of an eye. No, I don’t think I’ll fly until the airline industry can at least establish some sort of credibility with their employees. Either that or I’ll wait until I grow wings.