Incident Report

4 a.m, sidewalk in front of Billings: Snap, Crackle, and Pop were found brutally beaten and was called ‘hideous’ by local bystanders. Apparently, prior to the raping of the famous cereal midgets with the brick, there had been considerable felching. The abundance of rodent hair in the plastic interrior of the mysterious trio. 4/20:Many pot-heads will be arreseted for freeing thier speech, and police will consdier themselves local heros for ridding UVM of the terrorists who are funded by the Bush administration’s oil habit.2/15 8:15 p.m An anonymous caller, phoned to report the concealment of chemical and biological weapons by Saddam Hussein. The police dispatched three units to follow up on the claim. They found nothing but “sand and camels; the camels they found to be ‘humourous’ while the sand was only mildly ammusing until it gets in you anal cavity'”. End Report.