Living and Learning Vandalism Causes Drastic Increase in Living

UVM’s approach to on-campus housing has been hailed for its ability to provide multiple unique living environments that best suit the diverse habits of its student body. One of the many success stories of this approach has been the Living and Learning Center.Situated in the heart of the Athletic Campus, L / L supports innovative residential learning communities. Recently however, in what appears to have been an innocent act of vandalism gone awry, one of the two key foundations of the community has disappeared.Green spray paint covering the “Learning” portion of every sign has sent the lives of the L / L students and staff into a chaotic storm: they have simply stopped learning.Reports of numerous “living” activities have jammed the lines of UVM police and the department of residential life. Breathing is up 300 percent and the number of students intending to “live every day like it’s their last” is becoming dangerously high.Consequently, both cliff jumping at Red Rocks and streaking has increased, and one student, who wished to remain anonymous, reported drinking before noon “because I felt like it.”Equally precarious is the situation with English majors. Many have been spotted ditching Shakespeare and Virginia Woolf in favor of David Sedaris and Michael Crichton in what they call “pleasure reading.” The reaction to the vandalism among community members has been to stop learning altogether, but L / L (now referred to only as “L”) has seen diverse demonstrations of this new “living” phenomenon.Students in a section of C building have resorted to the inhalation of massive quantities of cannabis due to another act of graffiti by an inspired resident who dubbed it the “Living and Burning” center.A blockade of textbooks, now fallen into disuse, has been constructed to keep the authorities out and let the residents burn in peace. The March??, an important staple not only in the lives of L residents, but non-L students as well, has experienced mixed effects due to the abolishment of learning.The staff continues to function as usual, however their superiors have noticed an across-the-board refusal to acquire new skills.A new milkshake machine lies unattended in the corner, its training manual unopened.What is to become of the students? “I’m kind of enjoying, you know … living my life. But boy, I could really go for a milkshake right about now,” said Fletcher Bach, a second-year resident of the E complex who says he relishes the opportunity to commit former studying time to his favorite PC game, “Counter Strike.””I love it. Except I can’t improve at all, because that would mean I would have, like, learned something,” Bach said.The state of the residents of “the L” remains dangerously liberated, but until the second establishing pillar of this unique community is restored, we will all have to wait for an ice-cold vanilla milkshake.