Soap for Breakfast: The Green for Gold Campaign

Henry is big. And his name is not Henry-it ‘s Brad-but he is the cook at Henry’s Diner downtown. Henry’s is a small dive off of Church Street in the heart of Burlington: our fair city. The diner is green and even though it looks small on the outside, it’s really tiny inside. This past Saturday Kalitus and Brianos-friends from the University of Vermont-boarded their Suburban and rumbled downtown for some real eggs from chickens, and homefries, instead of school fries. There was a line out the door but they were seated at the counter within minutes and soon poring over a menu of delectable nourishment. The kitchen is to be heard and seen throughout the entire meal. There are big glassless windows punched in the walls behind the small runway that allows servers to travel back and forth from customer to coffee maker, and toaster to patron. These walls would otherwise separate the eaters from the preparers, but Brad does not seem to want to be removed from the patronage. Brad wears a loud pair of pajama pants that would seem out-of-place on the gruff fellow, except that he is gruff enough not to care. The jammies suit him well. And perhaps that is why he wears them. Very soon after sitting down, Kalitus and Brianos were made aware of a spat in the kitchen between a waitress who had left work early, and the rest of the staff which was left to fend for the diner. The two friends would not have heard this but for their being seated, practically, in the kitchen, which they would come to enjoy greatly on account of the to-be-told saga about the missing waitress. Kalitus said of the gastronomical experience “it was like a soap opera. I loved every minute of it”. Eyewitnesses remember hearing of one of the assistant chefs, whom Brad is always razzing, complain about missing eggs. This call for eggs soon became a battle cry for those left behind the counter. Brad was eager to re-supply his kitchen and aggravated that the waitress had not resolved the egg conflict prior to leaving. Even the cashier was seen complaining about the manner in which the missing waitress had departed and “how unfair it was that she just left”. Her shift was scheduled to end at 2, but at 1:30 she was out of there. A server, who may or may not have been the brother of Brad (the kitchen was too busy for interviews), was overheard saying, “she’s gonna catch hell for this,” in response to the premature departure. Karmic repercussions of this incident were widespread. One such example was evident in a booth into which seven young kids were trying to cram, though it was made for far fewer. A waitress, upon seeing their clown-car antics demanded that they, “Get out of the booth.” Ben, a kid from the booth, said of the incident, “She was rather short with us but understandably so considering the stress she’s under.” Near two o’clock the missing waitress’ replacement came in and was heralded as a hero by all. The kitchen, briefly, was alive with shouts of welcome and gratitude at the newcomer. Though, soon, Brad was delivered his eggs whereupon he returned to the kitchen contented, and began harassing people again. At the end of the meal Brianos paid for their meal with dollar bills, because that is how people living in Burlington pay for things in Burlington. As she was leaving, Kalitus heard the patron on the stool next to her say, “I want to see what happens when the waitress gets back.” Much of the restaurant had been as involved in this amusing incident as the pair had. Breakfast was delicious