That’s What She Said

Dear That’s What She Said,Why is it that so often when a guy is fingering you he does it so aggressively? I often find myself wincing in pain as a guy roughly attempts to pleasure me. What gives, do guys think this is how we like it?-Sore SistahDear Sore,Many girls feel your pain. Unfortunately, some males live by the rule “harder and faster is always better.” As a guy’s hands move below your belt, his excitement is through the roof. So instead of taking things slowly and working up a rhythm, many guys take a shot in the dark.As a result, many girls like yourself are forced to lie there and pretend they enjoy the abrasive digital penetration, or (eeek!) speak up and tell the dude that his attempts at foreplay aren’t really working.Sex should be a gratifying experience for everyone involved, so next time you find yourself in this, hmmm, uncomfortable position, guide your partner, either vocally or physically, in the right direction. Unless you like waking up sore the next morning.Now, there is some etiquette in breaching this subject. You don’t want to scream, “Ouch, this sucks!” while his hands are down your pants. Instead, simply say something like “slow down” or “easy.” Or you can simply reach down and grasp his hand and guide him through the motions yourself.Either of these options will bring your guy back to reality from his crazed-horny state.But for the benefit of girls who may feel too timid to speak up, let me offer some advice to these clueless dudes on fingering technique. First, it’s important to remember that girls don’t quite spring to the occasion as quickly as their male counterparts. Dry penetration does not feel good for any girl, but this is not a problem that you can simply throw lube at. Instead, go against your adrenaline and remove your hands from the nether regions. Kiss her inner thighs, hips and neck and allow her to become more aroused. Once you’ve got her aroused you need to realize that vaginal penetration is not the way girls derive the most pleasure. Remember to use your thumb or other hand to stimulate the clitoris. I know this is a lot to think about, guys, but just focus on a constant up and down motion, which you can vary with a circular rub.Always follow my mantra: “Quality over quantity.” Don’t try to insert as many fingers as possible; two or just one make it easier to accurately navigate.Every girl is different. Some prefer more fingers and slower movement, while others like just one at a faster speed. How will you know what the lady lying next to you wants? Ask her! As I mentioned above, rhythm is key. Keep a steady pace but start out slow and let her tell you when she wants you to go faster or harder. You don’t want to switch up your speed and angle constantly. It’s like sex; you don’t switch positions every two minutes. And finally, make sure that Kanye’s “Stronger” isn’t playing in the background. This will only confuse you boys.