The Mysterious Case of the Shrinking Closet

Springtime is a beautiful season, but it can also be problematic. As the thermometer begins to slowly creep up to the 50s, girls in questionable attire pop up like mushrooms. Yes, my beloved reader, we have officially entered “big girl, tiny skirt season.” It doesn’t take a genius to spot these girls – they can be found everywhere on campus, performing all sorts of activities. They are your classmates, your neighbors, and you could even be one yourself. Yesterday, I spotted a specimen in Marsh wearing a schoolgirl skirt 14 sizes too small, paired with some serious lace-up boots. The twitching in my eyes lasted several hours, and the migraine still pounds my temples. This unfortunate event raised the question of why some ladies make the unfortunate decision to buy clothing that is both inappropriate for their body types, and is several sizes too small. Wearing a size 2 when you should be wearing a size 6 will not make you look any smaller – the effect is actually the opposite. Spring is a time when curvy ladies can really shine. A-line skirts with hems that fall right below or above the knee are both flirty and flattering, and really look good on everyone. Mini-skirts, on the other hand, should not be worn by anyone over a size 4.Bermuda shorts or capris are the best option for those who are what we now call “average sized,” and they can be worn with many different styles of shoes: stilettoes to lengthen the legs, moccasins for preppy chic, and flat sandals for an earthy effect. Daisy Duke-inspired garments should only be worn by Hooters employees and the lithest of females. An embellished tunic paired with jeans will emphasize shapely legs while concealing bigger hips, and wearing a blazer will take you from class to downtown while accentuating your curves. Blazers also add a touch of sophistication and keep unsightly areas of the body in check. The problem of ill-fitting clothing is not limited to shapely women. Most of us, no matter what size, do not have Giselle’s figure, so there is really no reason to pretend otherwise. Countless times, I have seen both small and big girls sporting what is called a muffin-top: rolls of fat tightly constricted by the waistband of a pair of pants, pouring over the sides. This look is not attractive in any way, and should be avoided like the plague. The fix? Jeans with a higher waist that are slightly more loose, such as those from Citizens and Paige, paired with better fitting tops. Say no to Lurex and nylon! Next time you organize your closet, ask yourself whether you will choose to face the truth and dress accordingly, or continue to pretend that your body is several sizes smaller than it is in reality. I asked myself this question and chose to go for the first option. And the truth has set me free.