Finding your true identity at ‘Sputi’s’

For those struggling to find an identity in college, I can say with certainty that Rasputin’s bar in downtown Burlington, more commonly referred to as “Sputi’s,” is the place to go.

Of all the experiences I have had in college so far, nothing has shaped me more as an adult than my experiences at Sputi’s. Going to Sputi’s is more than just another night out. Going to Sputi’s is a pilgrimage. An exploration of the soul.

Each time you enter Sputi’s, you receive a stamp on your hand that says “twerk.”

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Now you are part of something bigger than just you. You party. In fact, you party at Sputi’s. And tomorrow, when you walk into your political science lecture, everyone will know it. And you will never feel more confident to be in your own skin.

Sputi’s is also the right place to make lifelong connections. “My favorite part about Sputi’s is when I receive a text the next morning from a random number that says, ‘It was really great meeting you last night! We should hang out sometime,’ when I have no recollection of meeting this person at all,” senior Lauren Brosnan said.

The best part about Sputi’s is the passing grope by a stranger. It is always an incredible reminder of your worth when people physically reach out to touch you.

Yes, of course I will dance with your sweating body, even though you didn’t ask, to this blaring techno that it just bearable enough. It’s incredible that you ask what my major is. And that I answered! You’re right, we have so much to talk about. Yes, it was so nice to get to know you in this setting. This is the real me. No matter who you are or what you’re wearing, if you’re looking for true love, you will find it at Sputi’s.

I find that I have my most successful meditation sessions in Sputi’s. Especially in the bathroom, where all that can be heard is, “Oh my God.” I find that when I take the “Oh” and combine it with the “m,” I connect with “om,” the sound of the universe.

Since the lighting is so dark in Sputi’s, finding my third eye helps me navigate. Sputi’s is the only place I have ever felt truly at peace.

Sputi’s is also incredibly accommodative to the college nightlife scene. It doesn’t matter that most people don’t arrive until 12:30 or 1 a.m., because, thankfully, Sputi’s doesn’t close until 2 a.m.! That leaves you approximately one hour of heavy grinding and having the time of your life while simultaneously building lifelong relationships based on looks alone.

Sputi’s is everything you want, but most importantly, it is everything you need. Whenever friends tell me that they are trying to find themselves, I say go to 163 Church Street in Burlington, Vermont, where a better version of you is waiting.