For the first three years of college, I was in a serious long-distance relationship.
I got into this relationship right before leaving for college — like, two days before — with someone a year younger than me.
And yes, I know it sounds crazy. But for three years, I was totally pro-long distance in college.
Long distance gave me someone who connected me to home and gave me a reason to visit. It gave me someone to lean on when college got hard and someone to talk to when I had trouble making friends.
However, there are also so many downsides to a long-distance relationship in college.
Before I stepped onto campus, I did a lot of thinking about the “college experience.” I wanted to enjoy college, but I didn’t care about what I thought of as typical college activities, like partying and hookup culture.
When I started my first year, I was not a party girl. I was 18, I didn’t drink and I wasn’t into frat parties or the whole fake ID thing. No shame — it just wasn’t for me.
By the time I reached my junior year, I consistently felt like I was missing out on the college experience by being in a relationship — and I don’t mean just drinking or partying.
Turning 21 changed my mindset. Once I could legally go out, I wanted to take every opportunity to. However, I was in a relationship with someone younger, far away and insecure. Going out caused a lot of problems between us, so I didn’t.
Once I had actually begun college, my definition of the college experience completely shifted. However you choose to spend your time, college is about making memories with the people around you.
Being in a long-distance relationship kept me tied to home and prevented me from fully developing my college friendships.
Every break or day off, I went home to be with my high school sweetheart. Every trip I took had to include me, my friends and him. Every weekend was spent on FaceTime with him, rather than spending time with my friends.
Because I was spending so much time in my room rather than having fun with friends and enjoying life in Burlington, I genuinely hated college. My first year at UVM, I didn’t understand why I hadn’t developed close friendships, but I spent all my time within the brick walls of McAuley Hall.
The more I started prioritizing my friendships within a two-mile radius, the more my quality of life seriously improved. I started to love college and I could genuinely say I was happy with my life.
However, prioritizing friendships meant I just didn’t have enough time to devote to that relationship for what it needed to thrive. I was with someone who wanted all of my time and energy, and I was forced to make a choice about how I wanted to spend it.
Don’t get me wrong, I did love him, and there were a lot of great times too. You don’t stay with someone you don’t love for three years. But there came a point where I had to put myself and my life first.
Once I came to realize what I wanted to focus my energy on for these too-short years, a long-distance relationship was just not in the cards. My heart belonged to my friends and to myself.
If you’re coming into college with your high school sweetheart, or a college student weighing your options with a potential partner, take the time to think it through.
Long distance, to put it simply, is a lot. It’s a huge time commitment and it’s emotionally draining. For the right person, I might’ve been able to do it, but ultimately the right person to focus on in college was myself — and I’m so glad I did.
